You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I’ve been married for three years and we have a son. Right after our wedding, I discovered that my husband has been cheating on me with several girls. Some of which are ex-girlfriends. I confronted him about his actions and he didn’t even bother to apologize. Rather, he made up silly excuses about me being in connection with ex-boyfriends too.
I’ve been so angry with him ever since and I no longer feel intimately connected to him or feel like having sexual relations. Regardless of his infidelity, he has been a very good and attentive husband and father. We have sex but I’ve lost my attraction toward him. I no longer feel him in that way, but I truly love him. I just simply can’t get his other women out of my mind. Even when we have sex, I get turned off at the thought of those other women.
Three years is a long time to hold on to anger without doing anything about it. Anger will destroy you from the inside out. It has already destroyed your intimacy and sex life. Your husband did not deny or even apologize for cheating. In fact, he dismissed you for bringing it up which was down right arrogant and disrespectful. That was at the beginning of your marriage and it was unclear if he was still cheating on you. You missed your opportunity at that time to raise holy he%#! and questioned if marring him was premature. Rather than doing that, you accepted his behavior and held on to your anger for years. You have justified remaining in the marriage by believing that your husband has been a “good and attentive husband and father”. Being attentive in a relationship includes addressing problems and meeting each other’s needs. It does not appear that your needs have been attended to or met. You have compromised your happiness and desire for intimacy in order to be married. If you are not careful and address issues, your husband will become no more than a roommate.
I recommended that you seek individual therapy to process your feelings and resolve your anger. You will remain “stuck” in your anger until you are willing to forgive him and let it go. You may not want or be willing to let your anger go. It is also recommend that you seek marital therapy if you are going to remain in the marriage. You must speak up and express your feelings in this marriage. Silence is not golden if you are in emotional pain. — Dr. Sherry
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