You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
My husband and I have been together for nine years. Out of those nine years we have been married for two. I’m now 25. We are high school sweethearts and our relationship is really good being that it has improved drastically over the years. However, the sex is not so good. The issue is that I’m not attracted to him physically anymore and I don’t know how to tell him that. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but I also don’t want to continue down this path. We may be over if I tell him and I’m not sure exactly how I feel about that. A part of me wants to end things because I don’t want to cheat or hurt him. I feel so confused because I love him, but sometimes it feels like we are together because it’s easier. I feel like the chemistry from our relationship is gone. I don’t know what to do. He’s everything I could ask for but I’m just not attracted to him. What should I do?
Married and Unsatisftied
It is remarkable that you have been with your husband since you were 16 years old. Being with your high school sweetheart seems cute but it has a good and bad side. The good side is that it is comfortable because you know the person. The bad side is that you do not give yourself a chance to know who you are and what you want. Given that you are only 25 years old, I am not surprised that the chemistry is gone with your husband. Unfortunately, being with the same person since the age of 16 denied you the freedom to explore having different chemistry with different people. It is hard to find the right chemistry when you don’t have anything to compare. Sex is an important part of the relationship. If the sex is really bad, your frustration level will increase as well as your risk of cheating. You can only fake enjoying bad sex for so long! It is time for you to have a conversation with your husband about exploring different aspects of your sexual relationship. Do not tell him directly that the sex is bad and he is just not doing it for you. Men particularly and mates in general are very sensitive when it comes to their sexual performance. Everyone wants to think they are great in this area even when they may actually suck. But once again, this is not something you want to say in a one-on-one conversation with your loved one. This is something to be discussed with a sex therapist who works with couples. This will be a chance to also discuss all aspects of your relationship. Therapy can be an interesting and fun experience for couples. You are young and deserve a fulfilling relationship sexually and in other ways without feeling guilty. If you want something different, you have to do something different! — Dr Sherry
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