You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I’ve been in my relationship with my boyfriend for about five years. We’ve both been divorced before, andhe has 3 kids and I do not have any of my own because I cannot have kids. My divorce was civil with my ex, his not so much. Even though his ex got remarried and has been for 2 years now, I still have not gotten a ring. Am I wasting my time with this man even though he makes comments about when we get married, or he says “I have plans.” I’m getting tired of waiting and getting my hopes up. I love him and can’t picture my life without him, but I don’t want to continue playing the so called “stepmom” and just be his girlfriend forever doing what I do in this relationship.
Your boyfriend has had more than enough time to know if he wants to be married and make a commitment. If he has not proposed and placed a ring on your finger in five years, it is clear that he does not want to be married. His comments of when you get married is nothing more than talk to keep you in check. His choice of not proposing has nothing to do with his ex remarrying or not. It has to do with him and his desire to have his cake and eat it to. He does not have a need to marry you as long as you are willing to play step-mom and other needed roles. It is understandable why you are tired of getting your hopes up. This really has very little to do with love. It is about why you continue to tolerate and accept the role he has given you. You must ask yourself why are you setting and holding on to a relationship that is not moving in the direction that you want. It is time for you to make some decisions about your desires and dreams. I suggest that you have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about your relationship. I do not suggest that you sound desperate or beg a person to marry you. Only get some clarity with some timelines of his intent. Once you are clear on his plans, the ball is in your court. You must decide how you you want to play. But, if you want more in your relationship. If you do, why settle for less! — Dr Sherry
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