You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dr. Sherry,
I have a situation and I’m getting more confused by the day. My boyfriend of six years is not giving me the attention I feel I deserve. I feel like I’m pregnant, but it might not be his because we were using protection, but I’m not sure. He is a businessman and has been deeply hurt by his baby mama who cheated on him and blackmailed him afterward. When we speak I can genuinely see that he cares. He has asked me to wait for him because he says he knows what he needs to do to make me happy. My son loves him, but he does not have time for me. He buys gifts and treats me well when I do get a chance to see him, but I feel as though he will never allow himself a chance to be loved because of what his baby’s mother did to him. I’m losing hope but cannot seem to forget about him no matter how hard I try. Please advise.
Anonymous
Dear Sis,
If you think you are confused, well, I am even more confused than you say you are. Help me understand a few things here. How did you “feel” pregnant? And, let us say you are, you do not know if the father of your child is your boyfriend of six years or someone else? Does your boyfriend think he is the father? Regardless, you do not think your boyfriend is giving you the attention you deserve. You seem to blame your boyfriend’s lack of time and attention on him being hurt by his baby’s mama. Have you ever considered the possibility that his baby’s mama may be his wife? From what you are describing, he may be married and you unfortunately could be the woman with whom he’s having an affair. Listen and think carefully about what he says and how he is dealing with you. You do not speak with him on a regular basis, he does not spend much time with you, he gives you gifts when you have “a chance” to see him, and he has asked you to “wait” for him. Really!? Wait for what?
I hate to say it, but it is highly likely that he’s just seeing you on the side. Your boyfriend is not emotionally or physically available to you. Given this, you have a choice to make. You can continue in your current role or you can change your role by moving on with your life. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to work through your feelings. If you want more in a relationship, stop settling for less! — Dr. Sherry
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