You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dr. Sherry,
I’ve been married for seven years to a guy who loves me more than anything. He has a misguided past but has been working towards improving himself. He got a degree and was doing well until the recession derailed his career. He has now been unemployed for two years and I don’t know what to do to get us out of this slump. We’re depressed quite often because when I push him, he resents me and then I resent him for not trying harder. I can see sometimes how he is emotionally exhausted, but I want too much from life to let my husband give up. We’re even trying to move to another country in order for him to find work, but I’m not entirely sure that’s the solution either. I would appreciate your opinion and advice.
Sincerely,
Hopeful
Dear Sis,
I am happy that your husband left his “misguided” past, received his degree, and was doing well. Unfortunately, the recession derailed him and a lot of other people too. I can understand him being down about being unemployed but it has been two years now. Your husband has a choice of continuing to be in a slump or getting up and doing something different. You can encourage him to look for a job but you cannot make him. It really does not matter where you physically move; the problem will remain the same as long as he do not change his mentality. I understand what his issues are but I don’t understand yours. When did his issues and emotional state become yours too? “We’re depressed.” Really? Depression is not contagious and it does not use a buddy system. Your husband must decide to rescue himself. You can only save yourself. Rather than push and depend on him to get a job, maybe you should push yourself and get your own job. Before you continue to place your well being in someone else’s hand, take a hard look at them and decide if they are happy with their well being. You are only responsible for yourself! – Dr. Sherry
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