You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I have a serious issue. I was in a relationship for 10 months with a guy who in all fairness was a nice guy. I guess my mistake was looking at his potential rather than his patterns. At the beginning of this year he went silent on me for a whole week with no explanation. When I finally heard from him, he told me he didn’t know how to tell me he might have gotten some girl pregnant. He admitted that it was a mistake that happened because he was drunk. This isn’t the first time his drinking has led to him doing something wreckless but this action has definitely been the most hurtful.
Naturally I was really angry and felt betrayed. I decided to pray and let God guide my decision. And it’s like the more I asked for God to reveal the truth, the more I learn about situation. After two weeks my boyfriend tells me that the girl can’t be pregnant with his baby because he used protection. He said that if she did end up pregnant it wouldn’t be his because he was positive that he used a condom. I decided I didn’t want to continue with the relationship and we broke up but he keeps begging me for another chance.
He said he’s reported himself to his pastor and that he’s changed. He’s currently being councelled and mentored by the pastor. He wants a chance to show me he has changed. I have tried every means to block him from reaching me as I don’t want any more of this drama. He now uses other people’s phones to call me knowing that because of the nature of my business I pick up calls from random numbers. So please am I being wicked to think I cannot trust him or anything that comes out of his mouth?
Am I being paranoid or unforgiving?
Potential is just that…potential! It means nothing until someone does something with it. While you were busy looking at his potential, you missed seeing the reality of his problems. This man has been sexually active with at least one other women and drinks excessively. Trust me, him reporting himself to his pastor and being counseled and mentored does not mean he has changed. It just means that he is putting forth effort to convince you that he has changed. When we seek God, he will indeed answer. He answered by revealing additional issues with your boyfriend. Your decision to end the relationship was healthy. But, for some reason he doesn’t believe you. For whatever reason, he may be receiving mixed messages from you. You may not be saying No to him loud and clear enough. Sometimes you have to say “He## NO” and the ask which part of the no that he does not understand, the N or the O. If he keeps pursuing you after you have made it perfectly clear to leave you along, it is time to take out a restraining order. You must take time to understand how you missed his problems and only saw his potential. It maybe that you really want to be loved and a relationship. That is not a problem but at what cost. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to address these issues.if you want more don’t settle for less. –Dr. Sherry
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