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Ask Dr. Sherry: 'I've Been Married For 10 Years But I'm In Love With My Incarcerated Ex'

Will Dr. Sherry be able to help her understand what to do next?

You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…

Dear Dr. Sherry,

I have been with my husband for almost 10 years and we have 1 child together.  I honestly never wanted to marry him, but I did it for the sake of our child and our families. Before him I was with my childhood sweetheart for about 7 years. That man was the love of my life and my first everything. But he and my husband are so different. My husband is educated while my ex is incarcerated. I have always had contact with him because we have such a strong bond.  I feel guilty but I love this man with all my heart and sometimes I regret marrying my current husband.  My ex will be released soon and I would love to be with him but he knows I don’t want to cause any issues with my husband. While I love my husband, I am not in love with him. I’m not sure how much longer I can pretend to be happy in this marriage. What should I do?

Hey Sis,

You may be legally married to your husband but you never emotionally divorced your ex. So now after 10 years of being married to your husband, you are not sure how much longer you can pretend to be happy in your marriage because the man you really love is getting out of prison. Really?  Are you saying that you only stayed married because your ex was incarcerated? There is an underlying assumption that your husband has been happy in your marriage. The reality is that your husband is likely to be well aware that you are not in love with him. The passion you speak with for your ex would be very hard to hide. The fact that you have maintained contact with him over the years and the two of you have “such a strong bond” suggest your marriage never had a chance.  It is only a short matter of time that you will be having a physical affair with your ex once he is released. The emotional affair has been there before your marriage. Why remain married to someone you don’t love? You are in control of your happiness. If being with your ex is going to fulfill your emotional needs and provide the love you want, there is little to say. It is important to be honest and true to yourself. Hopefully, your passion and love for your ex is based on reality and not on a dream of how things used to be or could be. Life is too short to live it as a lie. Once you are clear with what and who you want, don’t settle for less. –Dr. Sherry 

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