Ask Dr. Sherry: 'I Think My Ex's 9-Year-Old Daughter Is Mine, Should I Ask For A Paternity Test?'

You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…

Dr. Sherry I had a girlfriend for about 3 years, then in 2006 she called me and told me she was pregnant. I asked her if the baby was mine and she said no. Lately I’ve been thinking that I shouldn’t have asked her and perhaps the reason she said no was because she felt insulted by my question. It’s been 9 years and I can’t shake the feeling that her daughter who was born approximately 9 months after the last time we were together, might really be mine. She seems to look like me. My ex is now married to a guy who isn’t her daughter’s biological father. Should I find out if I am indeed the father or would it be best if I just leave it be. She hasn’t said anything about her daughter being mine but I would like to know for my own peace of mind. I don’t want to cause any problems especially since we’re still friends. What should I do?

Signed,

Confused for too long

Hey there sir, 

You and your possible daughter deserve to know the truth. After 9 years, I have to ask “why now”?  Be honest and check your motives in wanting to know about the paternity. Is it because the mother of the child has married and moved on with her life? Is it because another man may be raising a child who is possibly your daughter?  Or, are you genuinely interested in stepping up to the plate and being an active father? I would like to think the later. This is a serious life changing endeavor not only for you but for the child, her mother and her step-father. There are a lot of lives to disrupt if your heart and intent are not pure. If you decide to open this closed door of 9 years, will it add to or take away from the child’s life? Are you prepared or willing to take on the emotional and financial role of possibly being a father? If you find that she is your child, she may or may not accept you as her biological father. You must be emotionally prepared for possible rejection. You must also consider how her mother may respond to you after such a long time. She is highly unlikely to welcome the idea with open arms. Her primary role is going to be to protect her child at all costs. If she views your inquiry as a major disruption to everyone’s life and thinks that you will be gone for another 9 years or more after you find out, she is likely to be very angry and block your efforts on every level. Once again, I definitely believe that you and everyone involved should know the truth. But the truth needs to be discovered without bringing a lot of unnecessary attention until the results are confirmed. If you are ready to find out if you are truly her biological father, you may have to get an attorney involved if you run into resistance. Remember that any male can be a sperm donor and produce a baby but it takes a real man to become a lifetime father. It is always great to see a man take the role of a father seriously!  –Dr Sherry 

Email us your questions for Dr. Sherry now and be sure to include “Ask Dr. Sherry” in the subject line.