• Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • Paint The Polls Black
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · Love & Sex

Ask Dr. Sherry: 'I Think My Ex's 9-Year-Old Daughter Is Mine, Should I Ask For A Paternity Test?'

He thinks his ex-girlfriend lied about him being her child's father out of spite but his heart can't shake that he is really her daughter's dad. Will Dr. Sherry's advice help him identify his intentions?
Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘I Think My Ex’s 9-Year-Old Daughter Is Mine, Should I Ask For A Paternity Test?’
By Dr. Sherry · Updated October 26, 2020

You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…

 

Dr. Sherry I had a girlfriend for about 3 years, then in 2006 she called me and told me she was pregnant. I asked her if the baby was mine and she said no. Lately I’ve been thinking that I shouldn’t have asked her and perhaps the reason she said no was because she felt insulted by my question. It’s been 9 years and I can’t shake the feeling that her daughter who was born approximately 9 months after the last time we were together, might really be mine. She seems to look like me. My ex is now married to a guy who isn’t her daughter’s biological father. Should I find out if I am indeed the father or would it be best if I just leave it be. She hasn’t said anything about her daughter being mine but I would like to know for my own peace of mind. I don’t want to cause any problems especially since we’re still friends. What should I do?

Signed,

 

Confused for too long

 

Hey there sir, 

You and your possible daughter deserve to know the truth. After 9 years, I have to ask “why now”?  Be honest and check your motives in wanting to know about the paternity. Is it because the mother of the child has married and moved on with her life? Is it because another man may be raising a child who is possibly your daughter?  Or, are you genuinely interested in stepping up to the plate and being an active father? I would like to think the later. This is a serious life changing endeavor not only for you but for the child, her mother and her step-father. There are a lot of lives to disrupt if your heart and intent are not pure. If you decide to open this closed door of 9 years, will it add to or take away from the child’s life? Are you prepared or willing to take on the emotional and financial role of possibly being a father? If you find that she is your child, she may or may not accept you as her biological father. You must be emotionally prepared for possible rejection. You must also consider how her mother may respond to you after such a long time. She is highly unlikely to welcome the idea with open arms. Her primary role is going to be to protect her child at all costs. If she views your inquiry as a major disruption to everyone’s life and thinks that you will be gone for another 9 years or more after you find out, she is likely to be very angry and block your efforts on every level. Once again, I definitely believe that you and everyone involved should know the truth. But the truth needs to be discovered without bringing a lot of unnecessary attention until the results are confirmed. If you are ready to find out if you are truly her biological father, you may have to get an attorney involved if you run into resistance. Remember that any male can be a sperm donor and produce a baby but it takes a real man to become a lifetime father. It is always great to see a man take the role of a father seriously!  –Dr Sherry 

 

Email us your questions for Dr. Sherry now and be sure to include “Ask Dr. Sherry” in the subject line.

COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now