You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I’m a 33-year-old female and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years now. I moved in with him after the first year, and now I’m ready to take the relationship to the next level. I got tired of waiting for the next step, so I proposed to him. The first time I did it he laughed, but it was after the first year, so I waited. The second time, he gave me some reasons why we couldn’t get married. (One reason was because I asked him.) I don’t want to be the eternal girlfriend, so I’m thinking of leaving him. Am I moving too fast or am I wasting my time? Please help!
I am sorry to tell you this, but the best thing to do at this point is to pack your bags and move on. Put this relationship into the “lessons learned” file only to be reopened if you have a memory lapse in the future and start repeating the same behaviors. Your boyfriend clearly said that he will not marry you. For some reason, you do not seem to believe him! The fact that he did not ask you to marry him was a dead give away that he did not plan to marry you. When you asked him to marry you the first time, he laughed. This was his way of totally dismissing and disrespecting you. This was also a clear indication that he had no plans for marriage. After that, you still asked him a second time only for him to say no. Your asking him to marry you makes you appear quite desperate and on the verge of begging.
There is no marriage and/or relationship worth what you have put yourself through here. Just like you appear to be begging to get in the marriage, you will likely find yourself begging to get out of it one day, given his treatment of you. I have to ask you: Why do you want to marry someone who doesn’t want to marry you? You must ask yourself the same question. It is time to take a hard long look at yourself and your thoughts on love and happiness. I would recommend that you work through issues related to your self esteem in individual therapy with a therapist. If you do not want to be the “eternal girlfriend,” don’t be! Let the joke be on him and you have the last laugh. You deserve way more but you must first believe that you do. — Dr. Sherry
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