You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
I’ve been married nine years in October. I went to the Dominican Republic and got a tummy tuck and I didn’t tell my husband. This was something I wanted to do for many years now and he didn’t agree. I didn’t want him stressing me out, so I left him a note, but I did tell a few family members, friends and co-workers in case something happened to me there. After hours of me not coming home he called a family member who said told him, she left you a note look around for it. He found it and found out what I did. My phone wasn’t working there and I could only receive calls and some texts. He never called me and a family member called him for me a couple of times, but he didn’t answer. I’ve been back about two weeks now and he’s still not speaking to me. How do I get him to start talking to me again?
Maybe you should be glad that your husband is not talking to you right now. I am sure you would not want to hear what he is really thinking or feeling. I think your husband is totally pissed off. It is not the fact that you wanted a tummy tuck, it is how you went about having it done. After nine years of marriage, you did not give him the courtesy or respect of having a conversation with him and telling him your plans, but you shared it with others. Really?! Not only did you have the surgery, but you went out of the country without his knowledge to have it done. If something had gone wrong during your surgery, not one of your friends or family members could have given legal consent to the hospital to treat you. You and others would have been looking for your husband to make medical decisions on your behalf. That is part of being married.
Now that you are back home, it is time to have an honest conversation with him. Your husband is emotional wounded. If you can understand the depth of his hurt and anger, it is time for you to sincerely apologize to him. I am sure you and your husband both had a reason for not agreeing about the subject of you getting a tummy tuck. Your apology should focus on how you went about having it done. Once you have apologized, let him know that you are ready and want to hear from him whenever he is ready to talk. Be patient and give him some emotional space. If he continues to refuse to talk, I recommend marital therapy to help him process his feelings and open lines of communication. Your tummy tuck may have cost you your marriage. Just like you went through changes to have it, you are going to have to go through changes to mend your marriage now. Good luck! — Dr. Sherry
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