You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I was married to my husband for nine years. I eventually divorced him because his drinking habits of alcoholism had a big affect. A year and half after we separated, he stopped drinking turned his life over to Christ. We’ve since remarried and have now been together for 9 years. Sadly, he’s started to exhibit the same behaviors and his heavy drinking has reoccurred. I feel he’s lied and deceived me about about everything he said he would never do again. He’s not working and because I ask him about getting a job he says I’m not supportive. Personally, I keep trying to better myself to make a good life for us and our daughter. I make more a decent salary and I feel he’s comfortable with me having the weight on my shoulders to supply all of our needs. Our daughter even works and he doesn’t but I don’t know how much longer we can both support and encourage him to be better.
Tired of Being the Breadwinner
I am not surprised that your husband stopped drinking and turned his life over to Christ while you were divorced. I am surprised that you seem surprised. It is not very hard for anyone to keep it together for a year and a half. He pulled his life together after the divorce because he wanted you back. Once the two of you remarried, he had absolutely no reason to to keep his promises to you. He became comfortable once again in the marriage and returned to his old behaviors. But more importantly, you returned to your old behaviors of complaining but continuing to enable and accept his behaviors. As long as you are doing what you doing in the relationship, he can and will continue to do what he is doing. There is absolutely no reason for him to change. In fact, he is upset that you want or expect him to get a job. As sad as it may seem, this is really not about your husband. It is all about you. You have the power to decide what your life is going to be like and who is going to be a part of it. If you are tried of being tired, you will make the necessary changes. Until then, you will continue to enable your husband while being unhappy and nothing will change. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to work through issues. If you want more in your marriage, don’t settle for less. –Dr Sherry
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