You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
My boyfriend and I have been together two years and living together for a year. I moved in because we were going to get married. I’m 24 and he is 25. I know we are still young. We both have decent jobs but I have student loans that take most of my income, which he was aware of from the beginning. His parent just gave us their house and he now has it in his head that we have to remodel the entire house. He also pays most of the household bills, but I help out when I can. He has talked about marriage and me being “the one” from the get-go, but still he won’t propose. I know he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with but I don’t know how much longer I can just be his girlfriend. Lately I have been getting upset since just about everyone I know is getting engaged, married or having a baby. He knows that is what I want and we have discussed it before, but he has started saying that it’s not a priority to him but in time he wants the same. Any time I try to talk about our future or an engagement it turns into a fight and he says I am nagging him. Should I wait for a proposal or just cut my losses and get out?
Until he puts a ring on it, the possibility of marriage is only a conversation. You are settling on the hope and dream of marriage. Your boyfriend has had two years to propose and get married if that was what he truly wanted. As long as you are willing to play “wifey” and house, he has no reason to marry you. I am sure that he is very comfortable with the arrangement at this time, regardless of how uncomfortable you may be. He has already told you that marriage and starting a family is not a “priority” for him at this time. He has you without any obligations or commitment and his parents’ house. Don’t get it twisted and believe that you or “we” have a house. Your boyfriend has a house that he is allowing you to live in while you are in the relationship. Unless your name is actually on the deed, his parents gave him a house. I would be cautious about investing in any remodeling project until it became “our” house. You must take a hard and honest look at yourself and ask yourself, why am I begging him or any man to marry me? He has labeled your persistence as nagging him. Really?! It is time for you to prepare to move on with your life without waiting to see if or when he may marry you. Marriage is something both people must want and be willing to invest and commit to. Do you want him to marry you only because he felt pressured? If you marry under those circumstances, he is likely to remind you that he didn’t want to marry and only married because you would not stop pressuring or nagging him. It seems as if you have a lot to offer in a relationship and do not need to be desperate. If you want more, do not settle for less! — Dr. Sherry
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