If all the new experiences you’ve shared in bed are inspired by only your fantasies and not his, then you’re just not playing fair. You should want a starring role in his fantasy fun too. Solution: Role-playing marathon! Only, this time, let him be the director.
When you bring your tech toys, like your laptop, iPad or smart phone, to bed, it sends a clear message his way: You’re not in the mood to play with him because you’d rather play with them. If he was hoping to have a little fun before bed time, this feels like an immediate shutdown. Solution: Institute a “no electronics in bed” rule immediately to avoid distractions taking center stage.
Nothing kills the mood quite like an awkward conversation that comes out of nowhere. It’s okay to be distracted – it happens! – but try to avoid switching gears on him mid-moment to talk about “something that’s been on your mind.” Solution: Before you go there, ask yourself: Can the conversation wait until you’re both ready to have it? Your voice can and should be heard, but don’t forget to stop and listen to what he wants too.
It’s important to always keep in mind that great sex requires effort on both your parts. If he’s telling you what turns him on and you repeatedly choose to ignore it, there’s no compromise there. Solution: The next time he hints that you slip into some sexy lingerie (see the new February issue of ESSENCE for suggestions) or wear your hair a certain way, oblige him. It will only lead to more fun.
Navigating through busy schedules, parenthood and other obligations can make scheduling time for sex a real challenge. But, that doesn’t mean it’s forgivable to only pencil it in when you feel in the mood. Solution: Pull out the calendar, and set dates for romantic evenings at home that fit both of your schedules.
The fastest way to disappoint your boo in bed is to enthusiastically ask him what he wants and then completely disregard it – especially by laughing or rolling your eyes. Solution: Be open to trying new things for him (like positions, toys, or locations) just as you’d want him to at least attempt to try “that new thing you read about the other day.”
Admit it, ladies. You’re easily annoyed when he wakes you from a peaceful (much-needed) early morning or late-night slumber with one thing on his brain. Only, when you’re ready for some loving, he’s a bore when he won’t wake up. That’s not fair. Solution: Open the communication lines further. Agree to be upfront with each other and be clear on the difference between a night when you’re really exhausted or one when you’re just calling it a night.
“Shower first!” “Only when my hair isn’t freshly done!” “Wait, I need a nap first!” Are you guilty of spouting out requirements like these when your lover proposes intimacy? If so, it’s time to tone done the demands and consider the obstacles you may be creating. Solution: Put simply, be more flexible and willing to step outside your comfort zone.
Now that you’ve got your bossy-side in check, it’s time to turn the tables and tell us the biggest mistakes men make in bed. Share your thoughts below and your answers could be featured in an upcoming story on ESSENCE.com.