“Make sure that you have your best most beautiful smile going,” says ESSENCE.com sex columnist Abiola Abrams of AbiolaTV.com. “I see the most gorgeous women around the city looking sour and miserable. If you’re a single woman, you should always leave your house looking the way you’d want Mr. Right to meet you.”
“One of the things that’s really exciting is not so much the where, but the who,” says ESSENCE Relationships Editor Charreah K. Jackson. “Sometimes creating another character can feel so fresh. Role playing is a lot of fun and can really be very different.”
“I recommend couples try the ‘yes, no, maybe list’,” says sexual health and relationships writer Twanna Hines of FunkyBrownChick.com. “It’s a list of tons of different types of sexual activities. List everything your mind can possibly think of. Then, have a yes, no or maybe checklist. ‘Yes’ is yes. ‘Maybe’ means it depends on the circumstances, and ‘no’ is no. Fill them out separately and then pull the lists together, and you might find things that you both said yes to that you’ve never tried before.”
“Choose your ‘wingwomen’ wisely,” says Abrams. “You want to have the friends who are your best advocates with you. Don’t roll with negative people or haters. It will detract from your positive energy.”
“It’s important not to be afraid to ask your married friends or friends who are in relationships about their single friends,” says ESSENCE.com Relationships Editor Charli Penn. “Say, ‘hey, I know we never talk about this, but do you have any single friends? Does your husband have a single brother, cousin or co-worker?’ Sometimes someone in your network that you have in common can provide the perfect introduction.”
“Single men are shopping. If you see a man with one little basket at the grocery store instead of a whole big cart, he’s probably single,” says Abrams. “Also you can check out the site meetup.com. Whatever you’re into, there’s a meet-up group for it. The single men are there. Also, OK Cupid has something called Crazy Blind Date where you can go and meet someone immediately. Try that too.”
“Our biggest sex organ is between our ears,” says Abrams. “When you think pleasure products, think about erotica. It’s really hot to share with your guy. Rather than just talk about it with our friends, read a real hot erotica novel with your partner or write one together.”
“Tune in to the man you’re with and pay attention to his likes and dislikes,” says Penn. “Be aware of what he’s into, what he likes and what he doesn’t. Explore those things and pay attention to his likes and dislikes just as you would want him to pay attention to yours.”
“It comes down to having honest conversations with your mate about what they’re interested in and comfortable with,” says Lamar Tyler, founder of Black and Married With Kids. “Sometimes you have to stress yourself out of the bounds of what you would normally do, and you never know, you just might like it.”
“I’m a big fan of staycations. Sometimes you just really need a change of scenery – even if it’s not far,” says Penn. “Sometimes the same old bed, bedding, pillows and candles can be boring for any couple. Spice it up with a Groupon or deal and head to your favorite local hotel or one you’ve always wanted to go to that’s right nearby– even if it’s in your own hometown.”
“It’s important to use masturbation as a tool to determine what you like,” says Hines. What are your tips for a sexier summer? Share your best ideas below!
