You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Hi Dr. Sherry,
My fiancé and I have been together for almost 15 years and for the last two years, we have been trying to conceive a child together. He just confessed to me that he has cheated and gotten the girl pregnant. I seriously feel like my soul is broken.
Four years ago, I aborted our baby because he wasn't told me ready to take on the responsibilities of being a parent and I respected it. He did tell me that whatever choice I made but it was ultimately my decision to make. I did what I did because I wanted to bring our child into the world under good circumstances with no resentment. I know that I did what I did but I regret it every single day.
Now that I am trying to get pregnant and living with the guilt of terminating my last pregnancy, it's hard to grapple with the fact that someone else has my dream. I did have to convince my fiancé to have kids in the first place so now what?! I just have so many questions like do I stay even though he will be the father to someone else's baby or do I go and find someone to build a healthy and happy life with? I know that may seem obvious but I just can't fathom not being with him or him having a kid with someone else. I know everyone says that after such a long relationship, but I can literally not stomach the thought of leaving but I don't know how I could stay! I must sound crazy, please help!
I can understand why you feel as if your “soul was broken” when you heard that your fiancé was having a child by another woman. While this news may have broke your soul, your soul has been fractured for a long time. You were fractured when you put your hopes and dreams of a family on hold, when you had an abortion because he was not ready, when he broke your trust, and with him not being committed to your relationship. All of these fractures are painful but another women having his child creates unbearable pain for many reasons. You must decide if and how long you are willing to allow him to inflict emotional pain on you. You have been with this man for 15 years without being married. It really doesn’t take that long to say "I do." There is no evidence that he is committed to this relationship. Regardless of how much you love him and want to be with him, if he doesn’t feel the same about you, your soul will continue to be broken. If you are not careful, you will be a single mother dealing with a man with baby mama drama. You must be honest with yourself and ask why are you really stuck in your decision about this relationship. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to help process these. If you want more in a relationship, do not settle for less. --Dr. Sherry
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