You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Hi Dr. Sherry,
I have been with my fiancé for six years and we’ve been engaged for one year. At the beginning of our relationship, everything was perfect; it was the honeymoon stage. Now, as the years have passed, it seems like he has changed. He entertains every woman at work that talks to him and he even adds them on Facebook. I just think he is way too friendly towards these women and it makes me jealous. He used to bring me flowers all the time but not anymore. He also makes the extra effort to look good but doesn’t tell me that I’m pretty or beautiful like he used too. Other women call him and he stays on the phone with them for awhile or they will text him and he will actually respond! He never likes or comments on what I share on Facebook and, if I tag him in something, he doesn’t bother liking it or commenting on it but does it for other women. He also thinks it’s absolutely normal to go to the movies with a girl that’s a friend, without the other partner.
So am I way too jealous and making myself crazy or is he the one in the wrong? How should I approach him?
It sounds as if the honeymoon stage of your relationship has been over for years. In fact, it sounds as if the emotional relationship with you has also been over for a long time. He is very disrespectful towards you by openly dealing with other women while totally ignoring you. He is not even trying to hide his behavior. He clearly continues to show you who he is and how he feels towards you after being in a relationship for six years. If this is how he has been treating you for years, why would you want to marry him? Trust me, it is highly unlikely that his behavior will change after you say “I do.” This behavior works for him because you are still with him and accept whatever he does. His behavior is his behavior and that is who he is. The real issue is about you. Why do you allow yourself to be disrespected by someone who knows how you feel and continues to do the same thing? There is a tendency to say it is about “love.” If that happens to be your answer, then stop and define love. You may feel love towards him for whatever reason but most people want to be loved in a relationship and I am sure you are no different. I see no signs from him that he is showing you any love. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to process what is really going on with you that keeps you wanting this man. If you want more in a relationship, why are you settling for less? You deserve much more but you receive what you accept. —Dr. Sherry
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