You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I recently started seeing a man that dated someone very close to me over 20 years ago. He and I started out just sharing some friendly greetings like "hello, how are you" along with [ a little] conversation. Now, in a very short time, it has turned into an intimate and emotional affair. We talk almost daily for hours and our sex life is very passionate and fulfilling. However, if his ex, the person close to me, were ever to find out, it would CRUSH me to hurt her in such a way. I can't talk to her about it, well, because...I'm married. I know the rational and right thing to do is to say goodbye to this man. But every time I try, we come right back to each other. It doesn't help that we have a lot of the same interests and find ourselves hanging out in some of the same places (not on purpose most of the time). And I think I've fallen in love with him! Have I broken girl code? How can I get this man out of my system? Please help!
Have you broken the girl code? Not only have you broken the girl code, you have broken all other codes in relationships. Let me make sure that I understand. You believe that it will “CRUSH” you to hurt your girlfriend of over 20 years if she finds out that you are sleeping with her ex-boyfriend. Crush you? Really? Let me provide a news flash for you! You are riding a fast rail train that is bound to wreck, crash, and burn! Unfortunately, you are going to be the first casualty, followed by your boyfriend, your longtime girlfriend, and your husband. Also, expect a lot of collateral damage. This is not the type of trainwreck that you can jump up, brush off the debris, and quickly recover from. The wreck is an emotional wreck with a lot of internal injuries. Years later, some of the injured will still have internal bleeding and pain. You must ask yourself if this man is worth these injuries. If you think so and he is committed to having a relationship with you without the thrill of secrecy, then you must make some decisions to take it to the next level. Before going public with your relationship, you owe it to your friend and husband be honest and tell them. Telling them will only help control some of the injuries. I highly recommend that you seek individual therapy to process your feelings and develop a plan to minimize the wreck. Remember the words love and lust both start with the letter "L". Don’t get them confused! --Dr. Sherry
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