Rihanna recently covered British Vogue’s March 2023 cover with her boyfriend ASAP Rocky and their son. The singer and beauty mogul uploaded the pictures to her Instagram account and as expected, fans fawned over them. In a caption accompanying a picture of Rih posing with her firstborn, the recent Halftime Show performer wrote, “My son so fine! Idc idc idc! How crazy both of my babies were in these photos and mommy had no clue ❤️❤️”
Surprisingly, this comment about her son being ‘fine’ created a ruckus online. Some social media users argued that Rihanna calling her son such a thing is weird and connected this to the unhealthy relationship dynamic mothers sometimes have with their boys.
Some are even going as far as saying that her using such language sexualized her son and is inappropriate.
We should first of all remember that Rihanna is not American–she is Bajan–and a single word can have nuanced meanings across cultures. I’m Nigerian and I know that in our culture, we use “fine” to describe someone being cute, good looking, handsome and everything else that describes an aesthetically pleasing human.
I think some people are confusing Rihanna calling her son fine with enmeshment, which is a very real thing in families. Enmeshment is a type of family dysfunction where members are co-dependent. In the case of a mother and son, the mom may use her child to meet her emotional needs, lack healthy boundaries, and not grant her son the independence needed to evolve into a healthy adult. To provide some context, think of a mom sharing her relationship problems with her son, chasing away every girl he dates, or manipulating her child every time she isn’t the center of his life.
There are also mothers who idealize their sons. This is when a mom builds her boy up, makes him believe he’s the best thing God created, and presents him this way to others too. When her son exhibits individuality and independence that feels threatening to her, she may become critical, manipulative, and even abusive.
I think it’s an entire reach to say because Rihanna called her son fine she is exhibiting symptoms of an enmeshed relationship with him or idealization. I call my son fine all the time and there is no sexual connotation behind it. He’s just good looking! Robyn Fenty never said her son was “sexy” or used language that was sexually suggestive.
We need to be careful about the meaning we prescribe to words and also take caution when judging moms. I know we have an entitled culture when it comes to celebrities and think just because they share a photo of their child we know what goes on in their home. This is your reminder that we do not. And an Instagram caption doesn’t give anyone the right to judge her thoughts on her own son to be inappropriate. It might also do us some good to expand our understanding of language and how it’s used across different cultures. Approaching things with curiosity versus judgment is one way to make the world we live in a better place.
While we are online discussing a mother praising her son, Rihanna is growing a second Fenty baby, taking care of her “fine” son and minding her billionaire business. One thing I love about Rihanna is that “she no send anybody papa.” In Nigerian Pidgin English, that means she doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks. As she told one commenter, who asked, “who calls a baby fine?”
“his mother!!!”
On that note, we can all go back to minding our business, children and homes now.