Do you have the kind of love in your life that you truly want? If so, blessings to you. And if not, that makes two of us.
After a recent breakup with someone I was on and off with (mostly off) for three years, I realized our ping-pong relationship was rooted in fear—I didn’t want to be alone. Being 50+ with a track record of failed relationships had chipped away at my self-esteem, and I found myself unconsciously settling. I had lost touch with myself and needed to press pause to remember the beautiful, cherished woman I am.
If you’re open to receiving a kind of love that satisfies you on a soul level—and you have even the faintest belief that it’s possible—let’s explore how we can manifest it, together, right now.
Manifestation Begins With You
To manifest love is to know what you want and prepare to receive it by living intentionally, trusting that what you desire will come—one day.
Often, when we think about love, we focus on external validation. But our first love, self-love, is the foundation. All other love flows from there.
Take singer-songwriter Ciara. After her 2014 breakup from rapper Future, she recommitted to loving herself fully. In a 2019 interview with Angie Martinez, she said, “If I love myself, I can get the love I deserve and I’ll also be clear enough to love the way I’m supposed to [love] as well.” She spent her solo time enjoying life and manifesting her next partner—Russell Wilson.
Ciara didn’t pray for a man with a specific job or income. Her prayer was that he needed to be God-fearing, possess wisdom, discernment, love kids, be worldly, and adventurous. When she aligned with what her soul truly desired, the love energy she needed was able to find her.
As dating coach and How to Find True Love author Francesca Hogi puts it, “There’s so much falsehood we’re told about who we should be and what we should want. It takes real effort to release all that and get to: ‘Who am I actually?’”
Hogi encourages us to decolonize our minds from family, media, society, and even our own limiting beliefs—to hear what our hearts are truly calling for. “What do I actually want to experience with a partner? Love is supposed to feel expansive, accepting, kind, and supportive. It’s someone who wants your highest good.”
What Love Really Looks Like
Before anything can exist, you have to believe it can. Surrendering to love also means accepting that it may not come in the exact package you imagined.
“Sometimes we become fixated on particular traits in other people as a proxy for something we really want,” says Hogi. “We’re distracted by that trait and wonder why we’re not getting what we actually need.”
That’s why your “wishlist” items of education, income, looks, height, and body type aren’t the final answer. Instead, ask: What are my soul’s needs?
Hogi challenges Black women in particular to interrogate beliefs like “There aren’t enough educated Black men” and ask, “Is that the universe I believe in? Is that the God I believe in?”
Therapist, sexologist, and Drink Water & Mind Your Business: A Black Woman’s Guide to Unlearning the BS and Healing Your Self-Esteem author Donna Oriowo, LICSW, CST, offers a sharp insight: “Many of us don’t actually want relationships—we just want to win.” That “win” often looks like trying to succeed where we once failed, rather than seeking love that nourishes.
“If you’re finding yourself in repeat relationships, it’s not because that’s what you attract—it’s who you select. You’re choosing what feels familiar because you haven’t done your work.”
Instead of jumping into the next partnership seeking validation, Oriowo says to ask:
“What would I hear, smell, or feel to know I’m in the right relationship?”
If you’re ready to receive the partner you want in your life, Hogi offers these five love manifestation tips:
Accept that you are on a lifelong love journey. Journeys involve twists and turns, so let your relationships unfold as they do naturally, and proceed with your lessons in tow.
Acknowledge that you have a love assignment to fulfill. Progressing in life involves passing a series of skill tests. Relationships require their own skills, which you can perfect as you participate in them. You must learn the skills of vulnerability, communication, compromise, having hard conversations, and being self-sacrificing, because it’s not about you. It’s about the organism of the relationship you are building.
Create your list. Go ahead and write down every single thing you want in a man. Once done, review the list and ask why those traits are necessary.
Write your love vision and read it daily. What do you envision for your love life? How will you feel? How do you want your partner to feel? What do you want to share together? And what do you want to experience in life together? It can be a few sentences.
Bring joy into your own life. Discover what brings you joy, and experience life to the fullest. Your high vibrations will attract the love you desire. Trust.
Olivia F. Scott is a writer, freelance marketing consultant, and founder of Freedom At The Mat and Omerge Alliances, who lives between New Orleans, Memphis, and New York City.