Keri Hilson has been open about dealing with depression over the last few years, and the singer says she’s found a somewhat unconventional “cure” for it. While chatting with Angie Martinez on the Angie Martinez IRL podcast, Hilson shared her experience trying psilocybin mushrooms, also known as “shrooms.”
“For me it was dark cloud. Nothing could make me truly happy. It was hiding. I isolated really badly. I could sleep for days. Not literally but I would get up, shower and go right back to the bed,” she says of her experience with depression. “I didn’t tell anybody what I was going through.”
To find some relief from this cloud, the “Slow Dance” singer engaged in psychedelic retreats to deal with her depression during a time when her life had become “dim.” Through them, she built a community of support.
“I met a doctor who assisted me with shrooms, medicinal-grade shrooms, psychedelics. I can say without a doubt that I did like two macro doses,” she said.
The doctor in question suggested the singer do her own research on the plant medicine before trying it. Initially, she was scared of trying psychedelics. She had an occasional low-dose edible in the past, but that was it.
“So I was very, very nervous, but then I learned that there are retreats all around the world for shrooms being used medicinally as a healing modality, and all I can say is it worked for me,” Hilson explained. She says she did “regular psychedelic but medicinal-grade shrooms. Mine was doc-assisted, at home.”
The “Knock You Down” singer said that even after she began her journey, she was still researching to learn more about the drug. During her trip, she did two macro doses and the experience lasted eight to 10 hours. While the experience wasn’t “trippy” as some people describe it, the singer said she did want to listen to music and be outside in nature.
“It was great ’cause it gave me comfort,” she recalled. “Things are scary until you seek to understand them, right? They’re only scary when you aren’t informed or lack knowledge about it. The more I learned, the more comfortable I was.”
She continued, “I remember passing a mirror one of the two times, and I realized I had been happy. I passed a mirror and I saw a smile on my face and I’m like, ‘That’s weird,'” she added. “So I tried to wipe the smile off my face and I literally couldn’t. I was like, that’s freaking weird. Like, the doctor’s here. I look I look nuts. I’m sure I look nuts.”
“And I try to like get serious, and I couldn’t. I was just happy,” she added. “I hadn’t seen that in a while either. So, I was just kind of staring at it like, ‘Ah, this is what I look like when I’m little Keri.'”
Shrooms have been used in traditional ceremonies for years. They can trigger a range of intense emotions and cause people to lose sense of space and time; however, research shows they may be useful in relieving symptoms of several mental health conditions.
Post-journey, Hilson said she has gained both clarity, “child-like wonder,” curiosity, and a sense of optimism.
“It doesn’t close chapters for you. You still got to work through things that are occurring. You still got to live your life,” she said. “You still feel, but I have never been in a dark place for long or as dark since then. Like I can confidently say that cured my depression.”
In addition to trying magic shrooms, the singer also attributed therapy, the retreats, and “building community” to helping her get out of that dark place.