If you’ve been browsing Beyoncé’s internet this week, you may have come across multiple posts about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. On the most recent episode, cast member Erika Jayne cursed at the son of co-star Garcelle Beauvais. The incident took place at Beauvais’ 55th birthday party when her 14-year-old son Jax Nilon quietly retrieved some flowers from a table where Jayne and fellow co-star Dorit Kemsley were sitting and talking (and drinking). Out of nowhere, the RHOBH star snapped at him, saying, “What are you doing here? Get the f–k out of here!” She uses the expletive two more times, telling him to leave “before you get in trouble.”
Jax immediately went to tell his mom what went down, saying, “I just got violated for grabbing flowers!”
Of course, this is causing quite the stir and different opinions are being voiced online. This is a debate with many sides. Was this simply a case of community parenting gone horribly wrong, or was Jayne just overstepping her boundaries?
Let’s look at the aspect of village parenting, which is when people other than your parents have a hand in raising you and in some cases, believe they can discipline you, too. Many of us have likely experienced village parenting at some point. Think, being at your aunt’s house and her cursing you out for acting up, or having your dad’s friend pull you to the side to reprimand you for bad behavior. For those who agree with village parenting, you may say that it’s not abnormal for your parent’s friend to say some out of pocket things to you from time to time. However, this argument doesn’t hold water in this scenario because Jax was simply minding his business and grabbing some flowers. And secondly, Jayne is a co-star, not a part of Beauvais’ village, so she doesn’t have a right to check her son about a thing. Also, for the record, community parenting can be more harmful than helpful in some cases, but that’s an entirely different conversation.
Now lets get into the importance of recognizing boundaries when it comes to other people’s children, irrespective of who you are. No matter how much of a support you are to someone else’s kids, they aren’t yours. Meaning, even if a child does something that doesn’t align with your moral compass or bothers you, the respectful thing to do is take an issue up with a parent before lashing out at the child.
I think Beauvais did a good thing by standing up for her son and telling Jayne not to speak to him in that way. She’s clearly also raising patient and well-mannered kids because I know some people’s children would have told Jayne to go stick it where the sun doesn’t shine if she talked to them like that.
Even after Beauvais respectfully confronted an inebriated Jayne about her behavior though, she showed little remorse, which is a good segue to discussing why it seems many adults think children don’t deserve respect. If we don’t think speaking in aggressive tones and hurling profanity at adults is acceptable, what makes it okay to talk to younger ones this way? Age is not a prerequisite for respect, being a human being is. So, in my opinion, nobody should be speaking to a child that way whether it’s a friend of a parent, a grandma, an uncle, or the parent themselves.
And speaking of respect, we need more conversations around protecting children on shows like this. As Loni Love correctly said while discussing the incident during an episode of Daily Pop on E! News, this isn’t a moment that needed to be broadcast. Why did the production team think a child being arguably verbally abused needed to be shared for viewers globally to see? Why didn’t anyone step in to get Jayne to stop? Where is the respect for his privacy and image, especially as a teen with school-age friends who could potentially see this clip? This was a vulnerable moment for Jax and one that he may not want to be public. So now, not only has he been humiliated by his mom’s co-worker, but he also has to deal with the attention the incident brings online and in everyday life.
There are a number of lessons to be learned from this moment. One of them being to remember to maintain boundaries and respect with everyone, including kids that we didn’t birth. Not everyone will handle disrespect as graciously as Beauvais did. Some might return that disrespect tenfold — and have every right to do so.
