Co-parenting isn’t going too well for social media influencer and TV personality Brittany Renner and Dallas Mavericks’ player PJ Washington.
In a now viral video, the co-parents got into a verbal dispute when the NBA player was picking up their 4-year-old son, PJ III, from Renner’s mother’s home. The argument began when the social media personality handed the young child over to his dad, and the little one began crying.
“So, every time that he does this, I’m gonna record it because that’s not okay. This is the third time he’s done it. He doesn’t wanna go with you, so actually show up and do something with him ’cause he does this every time,” Renner said in the video, agitated.
Renner’s mom appeared to be recording the interaction and eventually also became a part of things when the conversation took a turn. She called Washington out for allegedly giving his wife, Alisah Washington, more money than he pays towards his child. Alisah, who was present in the passenger’s seat of the car, also got caught up in the mix, cursing at Renner’s mom.
Washington and Renner went public with their relationship in 2020 and by 2021 they had their son together. A couple of months later, the former item had broken up, and they’ve experienced a tumultuous co-parenting relationship since, with child support being the main point of contention. We don’t know the ins and outs of their co-parenting connection, but we do know this interaction is unhealthy. Cursing each other out and recording an exchange in front of a child is never acceptable and can be more damaging than him growing up in different homes.
Renner seemed to be reaching for straws when she attributed their son’s crying to Washington being a subpar father. Anyone who co-parents knows that kids often cry when leaving the primary caretaker; this can even happen with couples who are raising a child together. It isn’t a basis to make lofty accusations and take jabs at the other parent. Additionally, making threats about recording their son crying sounds like a personal vendetta rather than her genuinely being concerned about his well-being. Let’s assume, in a worst-case scenario, her goal of recording is to shame Washington on social media or get full custody of their child because she feels the NBA player is an unfit parent. What happened to communicating and working as a team before escalating the situation to a potential point of no return? Also, what about consoling the child and reminding him that he is going to spend time with his father, who loves him, and she’ll see him soon?
Parental cooperation plays a significant role in a child’s healthy development, according to a 2022 study published in the National Library of Medicine. The study also found that negative coparenting leads to a range of internalizing and externalizing problems for kids later in life. But honestly, we don’t need a study to tell us that getting along or at least interacting respectfully is good for the kiddos.
The Basketball Wives personality’s outburst felt more like pent-up, misdirected anger and resentment about other challenges they may be having in their co-parenting relationship. PJ’s vulgar response (which I don’t think is worth parroting) to Renner’s mom while calling him out on child support was no better. In a healthy scenario, they would sit down and hash out the issue when the child, and mother, and wife, weren’t present. Unfortunately, that isn’t how this or many other high-conflict co-parenting situations play out.
While it’s a proven fact that kids who grow up in two-parent homes are likely to have better outcomes, the reality is that couples will continue to break up, and we must continue to adapt to a world where various family structures exist. Instead of focusing on how couples can stay together, we should expand our conversations to include how to heal when parents can’t stay together and kids are involved. Children being raised in different homes can still have positive outcomes if both parents are willing to put their egos aside and do the self-work needed to show up as the healthy adults their kids deserve.
I am not negating that many of us may be co-parenting with difficult, toxic people, and it may feel impossible to have a healthy relationship. However, we aren’t powerless and can always focus on what is within our control: our behavior. That means dealing with lingering resentment, pain, and anger you may have towards the other person, so it doesn’t negatively affect your child. It’s also important to understand when to draw battle lines and when it’s time to wave a white flag.
Let’s not forget that people who are co-parenting are still family, despite no longer being romantically involved. Nobody wins when the family feuds, and the kids lose the most.