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The old adage is true: people will only be as good to you as you are to yourself, writes Niecy Nash. Find out how her life changed after she made a vow to love herself.
“Be what you want to see because inevitably, you will attract what you are: good, bad or indifferent.”
The first time I heard this I thought “Whoa, wait a minute…this means I’m responsible for allowing certain people in my life”? That totally debunked my theory that life is a series of events that “just happens” to you and it’s all out of your control. This type of thinking leads me to make (what I really mean here is ALLOW) some very interesting situations….
I went from being married to a prominent pastor to dating the number one stripper in East Orange, New Jersey (the complete details are in my new book It’s Hard To Fight Naked). Before you start to judge let me state that my relationships had nothing to do with affinity or aversion to pastors or male dancers but everything to do with my sense of self. Although my marriage left me with three beautiful children, it also left me with a healthy dose of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and an extreme desire to be loved again. I was operating on empty, expecting to be paid in full. In short I was a hot, buttery mess! The upside? I was still cute and could pull a man! I filled my mind with all sorts of ridiculous mantras like “The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one”. I ended up under a whole heap of foolishness that in retrospect was not worth my time. Of course I thought the men I entertained were all full of it.
Being tired and fed up I decided to cleanse my body, my mind and my soul. When I was being honest with myself I had to own that there was something about me that was drawing an energy in my life that left me feeling underserved and unfulfilled. I decided to GROW. I decided to purge myself of anyone and anything that was not full of goodness, serving me or making me happy. I let go of “stinkin thinkin” and only marinated on things that were “true, just, lovely and of a good report” (Phil 4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise). I only listened to positive music, watched positive programming, ate healthy, worked out, journaled and attended church regularly. I also took some time to date the only perfect man there is…the one that died on a cross 2000 years ago! I wasn’t just about praying but also listening for direction. This process led me to the best love of my life- me! I can truly say the love I showed myself began to be duplicated by others around me. On the other side of this journey the more healthy and whole I became the better the guys that began to show up. Finally I met my current husband Jay. He is a mirror of the best parts of me. I am so happy and so incredibly in love. The interesting thing is that it wasn’t just my dating life that changed when I became the best version of myself, things changed for me in friendship and in business.
There were people I had been friends with for years and after making the decision that I only wanted love and light in my life, they had to go. No anger, no ill will at all, its just we were not in the same space. There was new energy headed my way I need to reserve space for that. I cleaned house—no pun intended—in business relationships as well. New team. New vision. It all went along with the new me. In drawing new partnerships in business I am here with you all as a blogger of Essence! I’m so excited to be a part of your journey to a better you! Whatever things in your life that are out of order ALWAYS start with you when you’re looking for the solution.
The old adage is true, people will only be as good to you as you are to yourself. They will follow your example and those who don’t will be left by the way side. Adopting this type of change will not only be a blessing for you but will serve your children as well. Because its often better to see a sermon lived than to hear one preached, your children will definitely smell what your cooking and apply this new sense of self in their young lives. Trust me when I say, your best is yet to come!Please keep me posted on your progress! I ended up 10 pounds lighter, married to a great guy, gained loving friends and great business partners…you can do it too. Lets get at it! Dream. Believe. Receive.
Catch Niecy and Cedric the Entertainer on TV Land’s Soul Man, Wednesdays at 11pm
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