Rob Ector Photography
"You may not be able to help whom you are attracted to, but you can choose to whom you love and how," writes Niecy Nash.
Sisters, I’m not sure when this whole idea of “falling in love” started, but I would chose to fully stand up in it and walk through it consciously. For women who talk about some smacked-over-the-head-with-a-frying-pan kind of love, I’m here to offer that love is a decision you make, not something that just “happens” to you.
One of the greatest gifts that God has given us is free will. Even though it’s free we don’t take advantage of it as much as we could when it comes to matters of the heart. You may not be able to help whom you are attracted to, but you can choose to whom you love and how. That is to say that love is a commitment that your heart and your mind make. It is an active and ever-evolving process, a conscious choice that takes effort and maintenance.
Ladies, lets unpack this idea of “choice” and break down some simple ways of getting the love we want and deserve. First, take a look at how a man treats you and how he makes you feel—this should always be your first consideration. Next, consider why his past relationships ended and what kind of friends he hangs around—this is important if you are looking to build a life with this man. Do you want the SAME things out of life? Are you united in thought on marriage, kids, religion etc. Lastly, ask yourself whether you could picture a life beyond sex with him. If all these signs are positive, only then should you give yourself permission to love him.
The most valuable insight on choosing whom to love is to be honest with yourself about the man standing before you. Don’t go telling yourself you’re in love with the man he could be; you gotta love the man standing in front of you right now. Simply put, love the person not the potential! Otherwise, he will always be disappointing to you. And whose fault is that? Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on “standing” in love….
Catch Niecy this week on her show The Soul Man, this Wednesday, July 31st as TV Land tackles DOMA and same sex marriage.
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