Walk the Walk: Mary Mary's Advice on Validation

I was blessed to have awesome men around me growing up; my dad, my uncle/pastor, youth ministers that were good men… not perfect, as no one is, but they were good, realistic examples. And I wonder why more men don’t understand their value in a woman’s life.

Now I realize this will be a hard pill for some women. We’ve convinced ourselves that we “want” men in our lives, but don’t “need” them ’cause we can “do this” thing called life by ourselves if we need to. But for me, I am a strong but fragile woman, wide-eyed and optimistic, yet I’m down for mine.

Sometimes I’m a princess in a tower who wants to be rescued from life, and I’m entitled to that! I had a moment over the weekend and my wonderful husband let me vent and question and complain and cry while he hugged me, rubbed my hair and told me I was fantastic and that everything would be fine. He knows I don’t stay in that vulnerable, weak space for long, but when I go there, I need to get it all out.

He becomes my strength and my comfort and I love and adore him for that. It goes a long way to know I’m safe with him. I believe that I can feel safe with him because he and his issues are safe with me. I wish I could say I was just naturally smart enough to know how to validate and speak life into my man or the other men in my life. But I learned it along the way. I realized that if I stopped magnifying the bad or the wrong I see in the men in my life and take a moment to praise or glorify the good, no matter how big or small, there’s much more value or better yet, validation in that.

Now sometimes there are negative things that can’t be ignored. Some things must be addressed, and when you speak your truth in love, the words are less likely to damage. There is a way to speak your truth without killing the spirit of a man, father, or brother. Men want to feel loved and supported just like women do. Positive words are powerful and life-changing.

The seed of life and love that comes from words of affirmation are priceless. Confidence can flourish like a forest when you motivate as opposed to tear down. And just like we want and need it; men do too. So encourage the man or men in your life.

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