It's the hygienic fantasy of what happiness is suppose to look like, that makes us so unhappy.
“My life is perfect because I accept it as it is.”–Lenny Kravitz
I’m bored with people’s preoccupation with being happy. Perhaps my vocation is responsible, but that’s another story. We’re addicted to fixing ourselves because we’ve been duped by the billion dollar self-help industry’s aggressive habit of making everything a problem that needs to be overcome. We want to be undisturbed by need, worry, confusion, sorrow, fear, failure – all natural rhythmic moods of life.
I must admit I’m suspicious of those who believe the sole objective of living is to feel good all the time. We keep chasing happy, good and right at the expense of being and genuinely appreciating “real”. As a transformational counselor and life empowerment coach, I don’t care about whether you feel good every day. I care about whether you can tell yourself the truth everyday – even if that means acknowledging the pass you give to the bullshit that keeps showing up in your life.
I’m convinced that if we stop running from our pain and the impossible situations that seem to corner every part of our lives that we could not only free ourselves from the happiness obsession, we could also use those things we feel most upset about to craft our lives into deeply graphic portraits of authenticity – that we actually celebrate. Life portraits that may include both people and situations that feel undesirable that we are nonetheless tasked with assigning compassion and purpose. That is the real work to be done for which the holy grail of happy cannot erase.
It’s not the stupid behaviors that cost you the most in the end. It’s the extreme measures you take to invest in your denial of those stupid behaviors. Being honest with yourself allows you to begin assessing what – in your life – really requires your direct involvement to change. It also allows you to quietly discern which crises present opportunities to better appreciate the mysteries of life. Every thing is not meant to be understood and a disciple to your wishes.
I’m no different than you. I too want to accept my life as it is. I want to respect the complexity, uneasily solved atrocities, and all the things that won’t seem to let me loose or I them. I want to be perfectly okay with my humanness, rather than be hospitable to some rude accusation that my very being is wrong if I’m not skipping down the street every day. You must know there is more to life than the pursuit of perfection. I believe we are here to feel, deeply – to have catastrophic run-ins with gut-wrenching situations that instigate personal revolutions.
Don’t you want to be yourself without apology? You can’t be a coward your whole life. You’ve got to armor up and day by day, crisis by crisis allow the hardships to fashion your life into something unique and extraordinary. Maybe not free of sorrow or exiled from difficulties, but nevertheless richer and deeper and better than somebody else’s hand me down life.
It’s the hygienic fantasy of what happiness is suppose to look like, that makes us so unhappy.
Your Crossfade Tip:
Accept your life. Accept yourself. It is the pathway to more joy.
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