Anita knew that she was attracted to her friend, Daniel. They’d known each other for years but something was developing. A great mother, sister and friend, she was a successful executive, who seemed to have it all together. Dateless for nearly three years, she was afraid to take the risk of reaching out to add romantic love to her life.
I listened as this poised woman in her late 30s, wrestled with the insecurities and doubts that keep teenage girls frozen beside their lockers as they stare at the cute boy in the distance. As I worked to coach her from “gawking to dating,’ I realized that I saw patterns in Anita’s thinking and behavior that keep many women lonely, despite deserving fulfilling love and relationships.
Single women around the world complain that there are “no good, or, available men” in their area. Women in New York, think moving to North Carolina will solve the problem. While sisters in NC, think getting to Dallas will solve theirs. But, the truth is that the move to a new mental zip code is the only thing that will change their dating prospects.
If you’re ready for a move, here are some tips to help you enjoy your life for what it is, while opening the door to let love in:
1. Relax: Desperation has a scent. It scares confident men away and attracts men who thrive off of neediness. Too many times we fail to see the warning signs and red flags that later destroy our relationships, because we are desperate for connection. But the intimacy cannot be forced—it must be forged.
Forging is a process that requires hammering and heat. Real intimacy is built as we travel through the ups and downs of life together. While it is important to admit our attraction, we must recognize the role that real friendship plays in every relationship. Every guy doesn’t have to be “the one.” Enjoy things for what they are and if you aren’t sure what that is—ask!
2. “Real” Him In: Don’t focus on how to “reel” a man in. The best way to find love is to be “real.” Be you from the very beginning of the relationship. Of course we want to put our best foot forward, but we shouldn’t lie about how and what we think, feel and believe. As tempting as it is to pretend to be what we think the other person wants, rest assured that time will eventually reveal the truth! If we’ve sold a bill of goods that we can’t deliver, we will leave our partner feeling tricked and shortchanged.
3. Leave The Lists: Good men come in all shapes and sizes! I’ve talked to women who are happily married to men who are everything they wanted physically and financially. There are those who are equally happy, but their husbands look nothing like what they imagined. Character and common values are what matter most when it comes to determining who deserves to be your special someone. Don’t miss out on a real opportunity because you’re focused on something that only exists in fantasy.
Do Your Work! If you haven’t been on a good date in more than a year, interview three of your closest friends and get their feedback. Ask each one of them for an adjustment they believe you could make to help you date better. Let me help you make decisions to win, visit coachfelicia.com/coaching-session to qualify for a free laser session valued at $397.
Define Your Wealth! Affirm out loud, “I love myself and others from a place of strength.”
Named the “North America’s Next Greatest Speaker” by eWomenNetwork, Coach Felicia is a Certified Empowerment Coach™ who empowers her clients to “Turn their Worth into Wealth” as she partners with them to DISCOVER their WORTH, DO the WORK and DEFINE their WEALTH. Get more insight, download the FREE “8 Choices Winners Must Make” seminar MP3 on her website.
