Courtesy of HBO
I’m just going to get right to it, ladies. We need to talk about the real-life men who pull what the character Dro just did onscreen on Insecure.
The Dros in your everyday life can be a risk too, and the reason is simple: They’re upfront about their romantic situation and what they want (or need) from you, but that honesty can easily mask the fact that they’re still putting their needs before yours.
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I’ll explain. But, before I go in, lets have a quick recap, shall we?
On Sunday night’s season 3 premiere, we learned that Dro, the married friend-turned-lover Molly has been sleeping with and simultaneously falling hard for, is actually being totally upfront about the fact that he’s in an open relationship with his wife and she does knows all about Molly. After a phone call from Dro’s wife briefly interrupts their early morning between the sheets cuddle session, she snaps out of her trance long enough to ask him for more space and boundaries for their situationship. It was smart thinking on Molly’s part, and an attempt to begin to shield her heart from the shots she sees coming, but Dro isn’t feeling her newfound need for clarity.
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When she insists they don’t do anything “friendly”, and keep their relationship strictly sexual, he reluctantly agrees only to later push even harder by inviting her for out for a celebratory dinner and causally calling her to check in during the day. Molly stands her ground, some, but Dro refuses to respect the line she’s drawn. Later, she walks into her apartment to find Dro has used her key (girl, why did you give him one?) to wait there for her. He doesn’t understand why she can’t just go along with the relationship as is and the more she defends herself the more frustrated he becomes.
This leads me right to the point here. Of course, Dro can’t understand Molly’s take on this whole thing. Like so many successful women, she in searching of a romantic relationship that fulfills her emotionally (and physically!) because it’s what she deserves. Only now, she fully recognizes that falling in love with Dro will lead her straight to a heartbreak roadblock she saw coming a mile away and she’s rethinking the trip. Meanwhile, Dro’s having his cake and eating it too because he’s able to enjoy a guilt-free emotional and physical connection with his wife and new girlfriend (Molly) that’s completely out in the open and feels that because he’s been upfront about his situation, Molly should just shut up and take their relationship as-is like it’s something she got a deal on in an Ikea aisle. Basically, he wants all of Molly in exchange for half of him. Sir! Do you see the problem here?
Sure, on the surface, it’s easy to want to give Dro a stack of cool points—he’s supporting, caring, honest, technically eligible to date and totally into Molly for the moment. But, look a little deeper and you’ll get to the tricky part: this is still extremely selfish behavior, even for a nice guy. The truth is, there are so many men out there casually sneaking around on their girlfriends and wives, getting caught in back-to-back lies, or saying that they care when their actions repeatedly display otherwise, that when one walks into your life and lays his whole truth out on the table, it’s easy to want to applaud him for keeping it real with you.
Wow, how refreshing, right? Eh, maybe. Honesty is good, but what else is he showing you about himself while he’s coming clean? We have to be able to spot the truth within their truth. In this case, Dro wanted Molly to settle, even when she made it clear that’s not what she wanted to do anymore and that it’s her heart health on the line. If he were really her friend before he got blinded by the sex than he’d know that Molly just woke up, the fun is over, and now it’s time to be her friend again and have her back. Trying to be sly and use your charm and access to force her to change her mind is a bad move.
Whether you approve of Dro’s open marriage or not, as long as Molly wanted the same things he did out of their new situation, it was hard to argue that his behavior was out of line. He was giving it to her straight. (No pun intended) But, the very moment she decided their relationship was no longer a healthy option for her and couldn’t fulfill her needs, he was supposed to respect that and allow her the space to sort through her complicated emotions, as she requested. The second Dro didn’t give her that and forced his needs on her, he became an honest guy…who’s also still just looking out for number one, himself.
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