How to Date in the Moment

Stop worrying about whether or not the guy you're dating is your future husband and just focus on finding out if you're even good together. Here's how!

Kevin Carr Oct, 08, 2013

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Like many of you, sometimes I’m so focused on the future, I fail to properly live in the now. It’s a bad habit and it can cause you to miss things. Sometimes have to just live, and when it comes to dating, we have to enjoy the moment without obsessing about what the future may bring. I’m telling you to just date.  Stop thinking of engagement rings, wedding dresses and the baby shows and just find out if the person in front of you is someone you truly enjoy being around. Here’s how!

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When it comes to dating, I find that I’ve had my most rewarding experiences when I left my expectations at home. Don't allow yourself to focus on the "what ifs." Simply enjoy what is happening right now. Even if marriage is in your cards, remember, the first date always comes before the wedding.

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Sometimes the most accurate truth can be found hidden within a cliché. In this case, it's this one: Life can only be lived one day at a time. The same goes for romantic relationships. With each date you share, there will be growth. If there isn’t, that may be your cue to cut your losses early. Either way, you’re making progress.

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Men, in most cases, will tend to embrace the freedom that being single brings far more enthusiastically than women. We won't get into the why right now, but I do urge you to remember that sometimes it's OK to take a page out of a man’s playbook. You're in a privileged position to make the choices that you truly desire. Be selective, and know that not every man deserves your attention.

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I have heard countless people bemoan the fact that they are tired of dating as if that's a curse. The truth is, at this stage the possibilities are limitless. But they won't be for you unless you think so too. Try changing the way you view the dating experience. Even if a particular situation doesn't ultimately lead to where you would have wanted it to go, it is rarely a waste of time getting to know another human being on a deeper level. You feel me?

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I was set free when I realized I didn't have to be interested in everyone that I'm attracted to. It's important to learn how to cultivate relationships without the promise of getting anything from them. You will end up better for it in almost all cases. Concentrate on being a friend before becoming a lover and find out whether you're attracted to his mind, body or both.

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Have it your way. Spend time with who you want to, when you want to. It's really that simple. Don't allow the expectations of others to put pressure on you. I encourage you not to waste effort on men that aren't worth it. There's no reward in trying to "fix" what isn't yours. Invest yourself only in the man that has illustrated he'll yield you the greatest return.

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Companies attempting to fill a vacancy will interview several candidates over a course of time. This helps them ensure that they pick the right person. Don't live like you're married until you have a husband. If you're single and dating, then date—preferably more than one guy a time. Allowing yourself various options helps you to find the man who is exactly right fit for you and not waste too much time with those who aren’t.

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Before you mean mug me, hear me out! Sometimes people are too closed in and they need to be more forward. That doesn't mean you have to go around asking men out on dates. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) But, I am encouraging you to start random conversations with men you’d like to get to know a little better. You never know where it may lead—a date or a business opportunity even. Either way you win because you increase your chances of finding someone you click with. Just try it!

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Relationships expert and author Kevin Carr