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I interact with a lot of single women in my line of work and it’s always very enlightening. I have however noticed a change in tone lately in a lot of my conversations with single women. Many of them are frustrated with dating. They have developed a disdain for meeting a new guy and entertaining him. And from guy to guy the dating experience remains equally frustrating. Many of you want to skip the meet and greets, just meet “the one” and avoid the dating game altogether, but the truth is, the right man for you is a part of that crowd. You just need to learn how to enjoy the process.
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Are you fresh out of a "situationship" or something of the sort? It’s a good time to scale back and spend some much-needed time with and on yourself. Often times a 30-60 day dating sabbatical will not only help you to re-focus but it can also end up refreshing your perspective on your love life as a whole over time and help you attract different prospects when you get back out there.
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Go out, have fun and enjoy his company. If at the end of the night you decide you want to see him again, do it. And, if you decide you don't, just don't. Try this approach and I promise you it will be totally liberating. Simply enjoy the moment and make the best of the opportunity that you have to get to know another human being.
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You may want him to take charge and have a detailed plan for what you guys are going to do. But if you want to be absolutely certain you have fun, suggest something that interests you. (A smart guy won’t mind a bit.) In fact more than likely you'll take away some of the pressure he's already feeling about whether or not he'll be able to impress you with his date selection.
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Consider this your new mantra. Dating is social and fun, so you need to be too. Skip the traditional, boring dinner and a movie plan (we’re talking about having fun here) and go bowling, go-kart racing or rock climbing instead. Whatever you choose, just try something you've never done before. A great date will follow!
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Remove the lid off of what you can experience and remember that Black men aren't the only men that are available to you. Be open to dating all races and types. You may find your core values in a man of a different race and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We live in a melting pot. Fully embrace that concept as you're interacting with eligible men. If you limit your experiences you will limit your love life. Don't cheat yourself!
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Meaning everyone doesn't deserve your time. That’s just a fact and it's nothing you should feel bad about. It's ok to be selective with who you see and when you see them. Actually, it's sexy! Any man worth his salt is intrigued by a woman that’s a bit stingy with her attention.
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If quality is what you desire, it won't always come easily. You may have to pick a few weeds out of the garden but the end result will be exactly what you seek if you stay the course. Take it date-by-date and day-by-day and focus on the right vibes, the right moments and enjoying the excitement when and how you can.
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Relationships expert and author Kevin Carr
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