This woman needs to get out fast, but she feels dependent on her abuser. Dr. Sherry weighs in.
You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
My husband and I have been married for one year and together for five years in October. My issue is that I want a divorce, but I’m afraid. I’m a stay at home mom of six. We have a child in common, and he has two and I have three other kids. I drive his truck that he had before the marriage. He has control of all of the money. He pays all of the bills. He’s threatening not to pay the rent for the upcoming month. I have no family or friends to help watch the kids if I did go to work.
My husband is not a kind gentle man. He is very harsh with me. He puts his hands on me a lot. Just yesterday he slammed the bathroom door on me several times as I was trying to squeeze through the door to get away from him. He calls me names, like “bitch”, “worthless”, “idiot”, and “slut”. He has spit in my face, pulled my hair, and he throws things at me too. When I approach him and tell him I’m hurt he says, “It’s not that bad, and you act like I put you in the hospital”. He says, I’m a “stupid little girl getting wrapped up in my feelings and to get over it, stupid idiot”. He never has remorse for anything he does or says. We’ve gone to places together and he ends up leaving me there. This is just a few of the things he has done. I’m sad because all I have to do to set him off is look at him or speak to him. I know I have to leave I’m just afraid of starting over again. Please, can you help me with some encouraging advice?
Oh my God! Many women are killed each year from being the victims of domestic violence. This is a very serious issue that should not be taken lightly. Fear of leaving your husband should be the least of your worries! The fear of standing must become your greatest fear! You are in an extremely abusive relationship at the hand of a man that have no remorse or limits. This means that the abuse will get worst and you could easily end up dead. You are allowing your husband to play Russian Roulette with your life. The next abusive incident could be the one that end your life. You have been abused so long that you have accepted it as normal part of your marriage. Abuse is not the norm. No one deserves to be beaten and abused. You are responsible for yourself and your four children not his two. What your husband is doing is a crime and you need a legal paper trail. That means going to the hospital or doctor for treatment when the abuse occurs. This will serve as documentation in a divorce or legal case. It is important to report the abuse to the police but be prepared to leave the marriage. It is time to form an exit plan and protect yourself and your children. Without any family or friends, he is able to continue the abuse because you have no one to turn to for support. There are support systems in most cities through domestic violence centers and women shelters. You are in a very unhealthy relationship and dangerous situation. You must make some decisions. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to understand the abuse and why you have remained in the relationship. It is easier to start over with your children than your children starting over without a mother. It may not be easy but it is necessary. You do have a choice so make it wisely. — Dr. Sherry
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