Word on the streets is that women are tired of dating apps and ready to go back into the wild and meet men (or women!) in real life. It’s no surprise. While dating apps are one way to meet the love of your life, they also require effort that can be mentally and emotionally draining. Especially, when it doesn’t pay dividends.
There’s a looming question though. How do you date in real life? Many of us became hermits when COVID-19 ravaged our sense of normalcy, and some still haven’t quite gotten back into the swing of in-person dating. Anwar White, a dating coach with over 15 years of experience working with Black and Brown women explains how you can meet men in real life ahead of cuffing season. There are still suitable candidates outside, but it’s important to position yourself in places where they are.
First of All, Strategize
If meeting men outside were as simple as putting on your best little black dress and heading to your nearest bar, few would be struggling to connect with potential partners. To increase your chances of success, White suggests focusing on three offline strategies: cultivating a “Cheers” place, engaging in a hobby regularly, and finding a hunting ground.
Cultivate a “Cheers” Place
Some people think it’s embarrassing to go somewhere where so much of the staff know your name. But this could actually be the secret sauce that helps you meet your guy, says White.
“Know the bartender, know the hostess, [because] those are actually the people that can put you up on game and connect you with people,” says White. “They’re the ones that can say, ‘oh, girl. Don’t come on Monday night. Come on Thursday night. That’s when the ballers come,’ and they can introduce you.”
Engage In Regular Hobbies
Hobbies have been on the rise over the past couple of years among U.S. adults. Since 2023, the percentage of individuals spending six to 10 hours per week on their hobbies has increased by eight percentage points according to CivicScience. If you don’t have a pastime, scrolling social media, work, and family may be inhibitors. However, in order to meet people, you often need to be in the business of living a full, colorful life.
“A lot of the girls don’t have hobbies. They work and they come home,” says White. “One of the things that I definitely recommend is trying to get a hobby that feels like play and not work.” For all the fitness enthusiasts, the dating coach adds that working out isn’t a hobby and constitutes work.
“Part of being successful in dating is actually finding that fun little girl inside, whether that is ballet [or] whether that’s flower arrangements. Because the going and coming of that hobby will give you opportunities to engage and find new and different people,” he says.
Find a Hunting Ground
The third strategy is exactly what it sounds like; intentionally choosing a place where you can meet men. Sorry to all the girlies who are lackadaisical about leaving home and would rather rub their feet together in bed. The goal here is to find a place to regularly converse with guys.
In terms of how to engage at these hunting grounds, White suggests creating little business cards with your information that you can hand out to men who pique your interest. One more thing–once the conversation starts, make sure it doesn’t drag on for too long. Other men may avoid shooting their shot if they see you carried away with one person for too long.
“Talk with a man for five or 10 minutes. Give them your card and keep it moving so that everybody knows that you are not baked in and that you can continue to engage with other people,” White says.
Places to Try Based on Flirting Style
In reality, there isn’t a specific place to meet men. They’re pervasive. The real question may lie in how you can make yourself more approachable so that eligible bachelors actually talk to you. White suggests engaging in what he calls a 321 to allure men.
“I’m looking at a guy for three seconds. I turn away for two seconds, and then I come back and I look at him for one second and I smile. He’s still looking at me. He’s into me,” says White.
Additionally, put your phone away and maintain open body language. These are ways to create non-verbal invitations. Ensuring you’re in close proximity with someone can also give you a chance to organically start a conversation and if the prospect is interested, they’ll continue it.
“The other thing too, I call it a drive-by. It means when you’re walking by a guy, say, ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ and keep on walking. And if he wants to continue the conversation, he will, and then you can come back and talk.”
Flirting is a gateway to meeting men in real life, but it’s important to do it in a way that aligns with your personality type. White breaks down where to meet men based on four different flirt styles.
Deeper Conversation
People who flirt through deeper conversation are likely prioritizing emotional connections.
“You wanna go deep really quickly and be empathetic and be listening and go into those deeper conversations,” says White. Here are some locations to try if that’s you:
- Art museums
- Library
- Yoga
- Meditation retreats
- Political events
- Board meetings
- Museums
- Dog parks
- Town hall meetings
Playful
If you’re a playful flirter, like to do light-hearted things and gravitate to fun and easy conversion, here are some places to consider:
- Arcades
- Sporting events
- Sports bars
- Breweries
- Festivals
- Live music events
- Alumni events
Traditional
Are you more of a traditional girl with conservative values who waits for men to make the first move? White warns that it’s harder to meet men this way and it seldom works these days. However, all hope isn’t lost and you can hit up these spots:
- Church
- Bars
- Coffee shops
- Grocery stores
- Hardware stores
Physical
For people who connect and flirt by touching, go to locations the offer the following:
- Intramural sports
- Clubs
- Dance classes
- Run Clubs
A Reminder
Before you go hunting, remember that while you can be intentional about dating, you can’t rush the process. It would be nice to entangle yourself with a warm body once temperatures dip, but not at the expense of your peace. White says putting pressure on yourself while playing the dating game isn’t a good idea.
“People need to know that regardless of whether it’s before cuffing season, during cuffing season, after cuffing season, you don’t want to rush something just to be in something [and] to later on get your feelings hurt,” he says. “ You wanna make sure that you’re taking your time and the due diligence of analyzing and evaluating whether the person is great for you versus just having a warm body in the cold season.”