Back in August, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, MD, released a report, the Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents, which sounded the alarm on the state of health of today’s mothers and fathers, and the support they need to help curb rising levels of stress.
“Parents have a profound impact on the health of our children and the health of society,” Murthy wrote in the advisory. “Yet parents and caregivers today face tremendous pressures, from familiar stressors such as worrying about their kids’ health and safety and financial concerns, to new challenges like navigating technology and social media, a youth mental health crisis, an epidemic of loneliness that has hit young people the hardest. As a father of two kids, I feel these pressures too.”
To take things a step further, a Pew Research Center survey conducted in 2022 reported that parents are concerned about a myriad of things regarding their children, from their mental health and the possibility of dealing with bullies to them being kidnapped or attacked. And per a 10-year analysis done by the American Psychological Association, parental stress has only increased since 2013, with 33 percent of parents in 2023 rating their stress levels between and eight and 10 (on a scale of 1 to 10) compared to 20 percent of non-parents surveyed last year.
Parents are overworked, overwhelmed, and constantly concerned about the well-being of their children, so much so that their own well-being tanks. As a married mother of two children under five with a full-time job, I can relate. My own stress has left me confused as to how to answer “How are you doing?” queries honestly, and overwhelm has been a consistent state of being. But I have adopted some practices, with help from my therapist and parenting experts, that are helping me keep my head above water; they may just be the first step in helping you do the same.
Whether in your professional life, personal life or both, knowing when to protect your space and spirit is essential. Healthy boundaries help you maintain your emotional well-being, and they can be as simple forgoing checking emails on the weekends, to cutting your time on surfing the web to prioritize rest, and simply saying “no.”
While you may think it’s impressive to carry all of the responsibilities in your life on your back, it’s certainly not healthy. As a Leo who has a hard time asking for help from individuals who won’t do things exactly as I would, I’ve had to allow people to try their best. From asking my husband to help me take on doctor appointment duties for our kids to encouraging colleagues to take on certain responsibilities so I can better handle what’s on my plate, asking for assistance has helped me do away with feelings of resentment, and given me some room to breathe.
Sometimes we find ourselves in a period where we’re truly stretched thin. When that happens, the idea of adding anything to our calendars or signing up for more responsibilities is a terrible one. So why did you agree to do lunch on Saturday when you really wanted to catch up on rest (and your TV shows)? Why are you looking into joining the PTA? Just as there are moments where you’re filled to the brim, there will be periods when you have availability to step up. There’s no shame in being honest when you’re not in that season. Fight the urge to agree to another thing you know you really don’t have the bandwidth to do.
A remedy to stress? Rest. But we all know it can be easier said than done to prioritize getting more sleep. Revenge bedtime procrastination is a real thing for many people, leaving folks scrolling until the wee hours of the morning because they didn’t have enough time to themselves during the day. But the effects are not worth it, and the way you feel when you’ve had a full night’s rest feels so much better than how you feel after a night of staring at a screen. Having more rest also helps you to be refreshed to take on the day’s tasks, and less irritable, so you don’t take frustrations out on your kids, co-workers or your partner.
This is something I’m constantly fighting through. In my countless interviews with famous mothers for my Mamas at Work series, so many women have told me about the reality that there is no such thing as balance. Some days you are fully on top of the needs of your children, other days you can be employee of the month, and another day, you might be the most attentive, romantic girlfriend or wife. But the truth is, there will be days where important parts of your life will not get the full breadth of your attention. Once you understand that and communicate your needs, you will feel a lot less remorseful about your partner having to pick up more of the slack sometimes, or not getting to that report that you need to do for work as soon as you’d like. You’re human, and there are only 24 hours in a day. Give yourself some grace.
As the girls say, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Me time doesn’t necessarily have to be a full day of running from your every responsibility, but every day shouldn’t feel like there’s no room for you in it. Make sure you have some time on the weekend to catch up on your new book. Or after you put the kids to bed, kick back and enjoy a bowl of the ice cream you love to dig into. Get up before your family and get a workout in. Or maybe, use your PTO and enjoy a staycation while your kids are at school and do nothing at all. True carefree me time may not happen every single day, but it needs to happen more often, mama.
We all need to vent. Our partners, our parents, and our friends can be a great shoulder to lean on when you have things to get off of your chest, but always make sure they have the bandwidth to be that for you before you unload. Even better options include finally securing that therapist you can consistently connect with to find ways to cope, and, or, a journal where you can let out your innermost thoughts and feelings as you need to. Because truly, an overwhelmed mom just needs to feel and be heard sometimes.
