Mother’s Day can be a difficult holiday for those who have nuanced or non-existent relationships with their mothers or for those grieving their deceased loved one; the day can be triggering and heartbreaking. Meghan Watson, psychotherapist, agrees, “Grief around Mother’s Day can be excruciating and complex, and struggling with your feelings and emotions around this time is not uncommon,” she tells ESSENCE.
However, regardless of how grief shows up for you, you deserve space and time to care for yourself if you are feeling overwhelmed and disconnected. Grief can be both nondeath and death-related, so honoring your experiences and offering yourself compassion as you process and heal is an essential first step. For additional self-care tips and practices from Watson, scroll below.
Grief can be all-consuming, but we don’t have to run from our sadness. Looking back at photos and cherished memories of your mother can be a way to honor her and revisit the times you spent together with fondness. It’s expected to be emotional during this process, especially if you’re still in the thick of your grief. Doing this activity with an engaged and supportive family member like a sibling or reminiscing with friends who love and support you can offer grounding and anchoring support to prevent getting lost in the feelings.
Grief can paralyze us, and when we are struggling with the emotions associated with loss, it can be a meaningful form of care to create a simple schedule or a routine to follow during your day. By setting yourself up with a schedule, you may notice it becomes easier to get through the day when you have something planned to temporarily distract from the painful wounds and memories of grieving a mom.
Watch/listen to podcasts and videos, and read books and articles that support the grief process. Sometimes, there’s not much to say in response to grief that hasn’t already been said. Diving into books, podcasts, videos, and articles (especially lived-experience stories) can be a way to soothe yourself when grief feels stressful and overwhelming.
While embracing the experiences of others can be a space for healing and growth in grief, be mindful of your consumption of media in general. Holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays can often flood our timelines with images and pictures of folks who are not in grief and are celebrating their mothers. This can be stressful to navigate, so make your plan for the day include time away from social media that may inflame or trigger you unnecessarily.
Grief demands to be felt. Facing our grief is a powerful form of self-care. Pretending to “tough it out,” ignore our losses, or demonstrate resilience is not a meaningful long-term self-care tool. Yes, you may avoid the heartache and pains of grief at the moment, but it may create more challenges over time as the grief continues to be present without your attention, compassion, and acceptance of it.
It doesn’t have to be just therapy, either. Self-care practices that you may already use for your mind and body, like massage, personal rituals, hobbies and crafts, prayer circles, connections with trusted professionals and friends, etc., are all still valuable to step into when facing grief. Bringing an intentional focus to how you may want to use these opportunities for healing and connection can add a layer of sensitivity and space to let your grief show up however, it needs to.
