Crazy Dates: Real Women Dish

Crazy Dates: Real Women Batch 1
ESSENCE.COM May, 08, 2009

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The arrival of warm weather brings more opportunity for dinner and drinks for two. But, of course, things don’t always go as planned. So, before you go on that hot date, real women want you to learn from their dating disasters. Ladies, take notes.

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“We played miniature golf for our second date. On our way, we stopped and had ice cream. I am lactose intolerant, but I love ice cream. Boy, would I regret that. We were having fun at golf and on a hole on a hill. He putts his ball and walks up the hill. I had been waiting for a chance to ‘release’ some gas. As I am letting it rip, his ball comes down the hill followed by him. He runs close, stops in his tracks, and says, ‘Did you fart?’ I almost fainted. The date was definitely over.”

—Sandra L., 33, Philadelphia

*Some names changed to protect the not-so-innocent

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“I was trying to open up to strangers when I met this really nice guy. I gave him my number and we went out. After we ordered dinner, I asked him to tell me about himself. His first reply was, ‘I like to sleep with men.’ Seeing my disgusted face, he quickly said he was joking, but I knew that was no joke. He went on to say when he sleeps with women they become attached and he hates that and that he also doesn’t believe in marriage. Lesson learned: don’t date strangers.”

—Beatrice L., 28, New York City

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“I went on a first date to the movies with a guy who invited other people, one being my guy friend. I was playing it cool, until the lights went off in the theater and the movie began. My date put his arms around me and started to caress my shoulder. Then, our mutual friend, who was sitting on my right, had the nerve to put his hand on my leg and start to creep it up my thigh. I couldn’t believe my friend was trying to feel me up! I never went on a date with that guy again, and our mutual ‘friend’ became an acquaintance."

—Gina G., 29, Detroit

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“When I was in college, I was going to my boyfriend’s for dinner. I picked up our takeout and went to his house. When he opened the door, the entire room was lit with candles, and I thought, how romantic. When I asked him what prompted this special occasion, he told me, ‘Babe, I don’t mean to disappoint you but I have the candles lit because my lights got turned off.’ So much for romance.”

—Kasey P., 29, North Carolina

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“I was dating a guy from work and we kept it quiet by not hanging out in public. I knew he had children and figured that he was no longer with his children’s mother since we were serious. One night my girlfriends and I went out to a club. As we pulled up, the board outside said congratulations to the newly engaged couple and had my date’s name and my name on the board! We went inside and there was my date celebrating his engagement—with his children’s mother who had my name.”

—Nicole J., 37, Chicago

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“I went on a date once with the cheapest man in Georgia. We went to a movie and afterward I wanted to get something to eat. He said sure but that he had to stop by his house first. We then went to Popeye’s Chicken—and no, neither of us was in high school! While he placed our order, I got a table. When he brought the food over, he whipped a hidden cup from his pocket and poured my soda into it. Then he says, ‘don’t worry; you get free refills!’ ”

—Shannon V., 30, Atlanta

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“In college, I would be the third wheel for my friends’ dates with guys they didn’t know well. One time a guy brought his cousin along. I get in the car and the guy is mumbling and I can’t hear him. The cousin tells me his mouth was wired shut because he had gotten shot the week before! He tried to drink something and it came out the side of his mouth. He was a nice guy, and I was glad he was alive, but he shouldn’t have been on a date.”

—Marsha P., 31, Atlanta

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“I was dating this nice guy for a few weeks, met his family, and even thought he could be the one. Then one afternoon we left his apartment and I noticed we weren’t taking the normal route to my house. I didn’t think anything, until he made a left turn on red in the middle of a busy intersection, then began to drive on the shoulder of the highway. I asked him what was going on, and he told me we were being chased by the police. Somehow we made it out but I never went out with him again.”

—Vanessa R., 27, Miami

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“For our only date, one guy insisted that we take the train together so we would have more time to talk. Fine—until I realized this was a therapy session. He proceeded to tell me his life story, including his stint in special education as a child and his baby mama drama. I even endured his rap music he pressured me listen to, which was as depressed as he was.”

—Imani W., 24, Oakland

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“I finally broke down and went on a date with a younger guy. It’s against my policy, but he was persistent. So we went out for what was supposed to be a romantic evening. The waitress came over to ask for our drink order and I ordered an iced tea. He asked the server if they had Kool-Aid. Luckily, I didn’t have that big wooden spoon my mother used to make it with, because I probably would have clocked him upside the head with it."

—Brooke L., 33, Los Angeles

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“At dinner on a date, the waitress came with the bill. He gave her his credit card and then said to me, ‘It probably won’t work because it’s expired.’ He told me he had the new card but wasn’t activated yet. Right. I’d already told him that I had just gotten laid off and was living off of unemployment and savings. "He suggested he go back to his job ten blocks away and ask his coworkers. The waitress came back and told us his card had been declined; I was thoroughly embarrassed. I paid for the meal and that was the end of us.”

—Danielle F., 30, Houston, Texas

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“A guy who worked at a drugstore photo department called me to pick up my pictures and asked me out. Thinking it was the fly dude, I remembered when I dropped them off, I agreed to go out with him. When I went to pick him up—he had no car—I realized it was another guy who was not so cute. I told him I thought he was someone else, but we still went to the movies, and he didn’t even buy the popcorn. He used my number one more time after that—a collect call from jail! I didn’t accept the charges.”

—Charmaine U., 38, Chicago

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“I met a nice guy at the club and he bought me drinks and we danced all night. We exchanged numbers and went out. Over drinks, we were really hitting it off but something changed when the bill came. He went to the restroom and I didn’t get alarmed until 20 minutes later. He’d slipped out the door, leaving me to pay the tab! I haven’t heard from him, and if I do he owes me an explanation and $20.”

—Imani W., 24, Oakland

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“A blind date took me to a basketball game and bragged about his Cadillac with the ‘off-the-hook’ rims the whole time. Unfortunately, on the way home, his tricked-out car got a flat tire. He called AAA, but they told him they couldn’t come out for another hour. I just couldn’t take another minute with this dude—in addition to his boasting and being touchy-feely—so I offered to change the tire myself. I got down on all fours, in my heels and my favorite pair of jeans, and changed his funky tire. Meanwhile, he just stood over me crying about how his rims got messed up.”

—Terri P., 28, St. Louis

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Have a crazy dating story of your own? Share it below.

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“In college, I would be the third wheel for my friend’s dates with guys they didn’t know well. One time a guy brought his cousin along. I get in the car and the guy is mumbling and I can’t hear him. The cousin tells me his mouth was wired shut because he had gotten shot the week before! He tried to drink something and it came out the side of his mouth. He was a nice guy, and I was glad he was alive, but he shouldn’t have been on a date.”

—Marsha P., 31, Atlanta

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17 of 20 Corbis

“In college, I would be the third wheel for my friend’s dates with guys they didn’t know well. One time a guy brought his cousin along. I get in the car and the guy is mumbling and I can’t hear him. The cousin tells me his mouth was wired shut because he had gotten shot the week before! He tried to drink something and it came out the side of his mouth. He was a nice guy, and I was glad he was alive, but he shouldn’t have been on a date.”

—Marsha P., 31, Atlanta

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18 of 20 Corbis

“In college, I would be the third wheel for my friends’ dates with guys they didn’t know well. One time a guy brought his cousin along. I get in the car and the guy is mumbling and I can’t hear him. The cousin tells me his mouth was wired shut because he had gotten shot the week before! He tried to drink something and it came out the side of his mouth. He was a nice guy, and I was glad he was alive, but he shouldn’t have been on a date.”

—Marsha P., 31, Atlanta

Check out our “Get Your Sexy Back” guide »

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“In college, I would be the third wheel for my friend’s dates with guys they didn’t know well. One time a guy brought his cousin along. I get in the car and the guy is mumbling and I can’t hear him. The cousin tells me his mouth was wired shut because he had gotten shot the week before! He tried to drink something and it came out the side of his mouth. He was a nice guy, and I was glad he was alive, but he shouldn’t have been on a date.”

—Marsha P., 31, Atlanta

Check out our “Get Your Sexy Back” guide »

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