10 Tips For Dating in Your 30s, 40s, and Beyond

10 Tips For Dating in Your 30s, 40s, and Beyond
ESSENCE.COM Jul, 28, 2011

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It’s easy to fall into the arms of the guy you’ve always been in a comfortable, yet inconclusive, relationship with. Although these relationships feel good, they take your attention away from finding a man who will put a ring on it.

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It’s cute in your twenties to have a crush on your thug love, but when you’re a bit older, forget about the bad boys. Men who behave badly are much less likely to want to settle down. Love should be your safe-harbor, not the source of anxiety and bad-boy drama

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Online dating is totally okay, but only if your web search leads to dates! Devote some time to actually getting to know a few of your matches in the real world. The perfect partner may not look perfect on paper so make sure you’re meeting men in person.

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“I told everyone I knew that I was dating and to please invite me anywhere there could be some guys to meet,” says Maureen in “Love for Grown-ups.” A friend-of-a-friend introduced her to a nice guy and her dating PR paid off – she married him a few years later.

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We all know women who are bitter about ever finding a mate or about being divorced or wronged by men but being optimistic is the key. Take the time to do some soul searching about your past hurts, forgive your wrongdoers and open yourself up to finding love again.

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Seeing your pals hang out with their hubby should inspire you to be optimistic about dating. And asking for a referral doesn’t hurt either. A happily married couple is most likely to fix you up with decent guys because they want others to be as happy as they are.

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Use your well-developed common sense to detect if it’s time to exit stage left! Your gut feelings about a guy are usually right. Which leads us to our next point…

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Your grown-up smarts will help you recognize the fundamental qualities you seek in a life partner. No, he may not be the Adonis he was in his twenties, but if he’s dependable, considerate, and you share the same values, he might just be the one for you.

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Dating when you’re older may involve dealing with men who have children, ex-wives, and long-term personal affairs. It’s a lot to take in when you first meet someone so be sure to set a realistic timeline on when to divulge your life’s details with each other.

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Your older years have made you wiser and more adventurous so try a tango lesson, hike a nature trail, or go deep-sea diving. Just because you’ve been around the block a few times doesn’t mean you can’t make dating a blast!

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