10 Reasons to Try My Holiday Dating Challenge

Ultimate Holiday Dating Challenge
ESSENCE.COM Nov, 28, 2011

1 of 11

This is a key data point that many people do not know. In nearly every survey taken on dating sites, magazines, and blogs, when men are asked, "Would you be open to a woman approaching you/asking you on a date?” — the majority of men say “Yes.”

A matter of fact, in several studies conducted by various anthropologists, it’s been shown that not only do men like being asked out, but when men are asked out by women who are complete strangers, the answer is still yes (nearly 50% of the time).

I realize this theory goes against every old school dating rule, but let’s face it… the rules of dating have changed.

2 of 11

A common response of reluctance I get from ladies is, “I don’t want to be the chaser, I want to be chased. If I ask the man out, won’t that ruin the chase? So, first let me say that, yes I agree, men generally like to chase. However, the chase begins at different points. I argue that for most men, the chase actually begins the moment we realize we’re fully attracted to you. That attraction may not happen until we’re on the first date, not before. Think of it this way: when you ask a man out, the chase still happens, only it begins on your whistle.

3 of 11

When I tweeted about this challenge, I received 100s of responses asking one simple question: “If I ask a man on a first date, do I have to pay?” That one question deserves a separate article, but let me address this now by simply saying that your first date should be very simple (and very short: 30 minutes max). The first date should be free or at a nominal cost. So at most, that means two frappuccinos.

4 of 11

When I challenge you to ask out 10 men, I’m assuming that 5 or more will deny the invitation. Anticipating this rejection and asking anyway is an ability not possessed by many. The ability to look failure in the eye and proceed anyway is the hallmark of confidence. Confidence is developed in many ways, but one sure strategy is in the management of expectations and risk. (Knowing what you are going to experience.) Which is why one of my favorite quotes of all time is: “Fail fast to succeed faster.”

5 of 11

Typically, the more socially adept you are, the better dater you are perceived to be. The inverse of this is also true; the more socially awkward you are, the weaker on the dating scene you’re viewed to be. So how do you become more socially skilled, and how do you become a better dater? The same way you become better at anything… practice! Yes, the more dates you go on, the better dater you will become.

6 of 11

A former career of mine was the pinstripe suit life of investment banking. (For the record, I didn’t enjoy it, and would have had more fun cleaning urinals at an outdoor Waka Flocka concert). I did, however, learn a great deal about investing, which I believe to be very similar to approaching love. Whenever we were presented an investment opportunity, we were asked to show “comparables.”

Comparables allowed the investor to see a side-by-side comparison of similar investments, in order to identify the best place to invest. Dating multiple people affords you the same opportunity.

7 of 11

I’ll never forget the feeling of emptiness I felt professionally just a few years ago. I then had a life-changing conversation with a good friend who told me very simply, “If you want different results in your life, you have to do things differently.” My embracing of that comment ultimately led to my current career as a matchmaker (the happiest and most fulfilled I’ve ever been, professionally).

Many may balk at the thought of asking out 10 men, but if you are not pleased with the current results of your dating life, why not do things differently?

8 of 11

I often tell my clients: We’re proactive about our education, career, health, and spirituality. Why not be proactive about our romantic life?

Nothing just happens – this is easily accepted in every aspect of our life except for love. The second you embrace this is the second your love life will change.

9 of 11

In late May of this year, I reached out to a few dozen women on my mailing list, in search of those who go on less than 5 dates per year. I then identified 20 ladies from that list, the commonality is that they were all ready for a “drastic” change in their dating life. I presented each with the challenge and in the month of June, they executed.

On average, the women went on dates with 4 (of the 10) men. I was very impressed. Even though this acceptance rate was slightly below the percentage I originally projected, the ladies in the experiment were very pleased to go on so many dates. Keep in mind, for all, 4 dates was nearly equivalent to what they go on in one year. More importantly, the women reported a boost in confidence and outlook on dating. It works!

10 of 11

I’m serious about this being a challenge. Here’s what you have to do to officially enter: Go to my Facebook page fb.com/PaulCBrunson and post on the wall or tweet me @PaulCBrunson stating, “I take the #PCBchallenge”. Then, identify and ask the 10 men and go on dates. The final step is to report to me on January 2nd with an overview of your process and results, including why you took the challenge, who the 10 men you asked were, and the results (how many dates, did your social skills increase, confidence boost, etc.).

If I’m wrong about this exercise “not changing your dating life for the better,” I commit to a 30-minute free one-on-one consultation with you via phone or Skype. However, if I’m correct in this exercise changing your dating life for the better, you’ll owe me the right to publish your story. Are you up for a challenge? Join today!

11 of 11

If you have any questions about the challenge, need suggestions on “how to identify 10 men,” or anything else, contact me directly on Facebook or Twitter!