Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘I Want to Get Married but My Boyfriend Refuses to Try Marriage Again!'

A reader is struggling to cope with the fact that her boyfriend of a year and a half never wants to get married again. 

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dr. Sherry,

I'm 26 and my 46-year-old divorced boyfriend of a year and a half does not want to get married. He was in a 12-year marriage that ended because of lies and infidelity. His divorce became final about a year ago and he tells me he does not want to EVER get married again. Per his age, I really do believe he doesn't want another attempt at marriage. He wants to move-in together and have a baby but I want marriage to be on our agenda before that happens. I just want the traditional life of marriage and a baby. However, he does not. I understand where he's coming from when he says he does not want to get married but what does that mean for me? Should I move on and find someone with the same agenda of getting married? Or wait in hopes that my boyfriend will entertain the idea of marriage in the next one or two years? I really do love him, I know he loves me--he's helped me become a better woman/person in so many ways, but I would hate for THIS to get in the way of our relationship. Someday, I want the honor of becoming his wife. I am asking if I should move on with someone else that has the vision of marriage? Because he does not "EVER" want to get married. He wants a family without marriage.


A Very Confused Woman

Dear Sis,

If you really want to be someone's wife, why are you entertaining being someone's wifey"? The fact that your boyfriend is willing for you to have his baby but not willing to have you as his wife says that he wants to do nothing more than "play house". He was married and had a home for 12 years. He is 20 years older than you and he has "been there and done that" regarding marriage. At 26 years old, you have a right to want love and marriage. Your boyfriend has been very clear that he does not want to get married and have a wife. Believe him! Just because he does not have a desire to be married you should not abandoned your desires. Given this, it is time to focus on someone that shares your values and dreams. Most of all, someone that can meet your needs. This may mean that it is time to tell your boyfriend thanks but no thanks. You must go after what you want in life. Waiting two years to see if he is going to change his mind is only delaying your opportunity to be happy. You deserve to receive what your heart desires in life. But you must not be willing to settle for less for the sake of having a man or a relationship. If you want more, don't settle for less! -- Dr Sherry

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Filed under: Love & Sex