You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Dear Dr. Sherry,
My husband and I married quickly in an private elopement ceremony 7 months ago. My dad, mom, and his mother were in attendance. We did not invite his Dad. We didn't visit the venue of our marriage—we only saw pictures. When we got there, it was a Catholic priest’s home. My fiancé was upset and cursed me out, but still paid for us to get married and didn't call off the wedding. I wish he did or I did, because we’ve been fighting ever since. Our marriage started out on the rocks. We got married without making the day personal just because my mom was sick and feared she wasn't going to live to see our church wedding. We’re contemplating divorce and thinking maybe we should remarry in a personal church ceremony. What advice do you have for me?
I am sorry but your marital problems have nothing to do with the location of your wedding or if it wasn't a "personal day". It also has nothing to do with your mother or your family. Your marital problems are far deeper than any of that. Your problems are related to the choice you made for a husband. The fact that he cursed you out before you married him is a tell tale sign of what is to come. This relationship already has signs of being abusive. It seems as if your conflict has now spread to both of your families. In order to have a successful marriage, you must have a basic foundation. The basic building blocks for the foundation typically consist of love, trust, communication, commitment, and respect to name a few.
Unfortunately, I have not heard any of these things in your marriage. If you both have been contemplating divorce, you both know your marriage is seriously in trouble and on life support. You can pull the plug, divorce, and cut your loss and move on or you can stay and wait for a slow emotional painful end. If you try and save your marriage, you must be willing to do a lot of work for it to become healthy. Working it out does not mean changing the location of a wedding. If it means getting into marital therapy and doing hard work on issues to attempt to build a foundation. Marital therapy will also help you decide if there is anything to save. You must be honest with yourself and ask if you really want this marriage. An honest answer, will give you an honest solution. Remember, if you want more in your relationship, don't settle for less. --Dr Sherry
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