No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop crying. It seemed like every breath was getting stuck at the base of my throat. I kept shaking my head and I could hear myself thinking, “I can’t believe this!” I tried to regain my composure, but it was hopeless. My 2-year-old niece was with me and she was clearly getting scared. She tried to make me smile, but even her magic couldn’t stop my melt down.
My sister kept asking me “What’s wrong?” But again, the words couldn’t tumble out of my mouth. I raced to the bathroom and finally my voice returned. But instead of words, ugly guttural sobs filled the air. “Just breathe,” I coached myself. Slowly, I felt calm float over me until I was normal again. But my emotional outburst worried me.
As I emerged from the bathroom, I told my sister, “Daddy’s gone and when I get married he won’t be here. The pain was fresh and intense. One would have thought that my father had recently died. But this outburst came almost fifteen years later. I’ve shed countless tears for my father, but last week was the first time I cried over a possible wedding. Lord, help me…I haven’t even met Mr. Right’s cousin!
Outwardly, it might appear that my momentary lapse was due to the many Say Yes To The Dress episodes I watched. (I have recently spent hours watching twirling brides, fitted corsets and yards of tulle.) But the truth is, I was able to grieve that part of my loss because I am finally making room in my life to love.
While I never openly gave up on the idea of finding Mr. Right, my despairing heart had thrown in the towel. And for years, I’ve chosen to focus my energies on other pursuits. But as wedding bells ring for loved ones, I am daring to hope again. Numbed desires have been awakened and now I have to “do my work.” I must:
1. Make Room for It: As a coach, I have supported people who are quick to state what they want. However, when we get past their words and observe their actions, it’s clear there is no room for the very thing they claim to desire. For example, if we want to eliminate financial debt, we manage money by creating—and sticking to—a budget. We make room by evaluating our current activities to determine the steps needed to make the change we want possible in our lives. As I look at myself, I see that I must do something to meet new people.
2. Consistently Pursue It: All desires and goals must be consistently pursued. Consistency is the water that can wear away the rock. Many times, we don’t have what we want because we gave up too quickly. It’s not a matter of talent or what we deserve. It can simply be an issue of time and timing. Our realities are shaped by our consistent thoughts and actions. As I look at myself, I see that if I want to make real progress I have to craft a plan of action and stick to it!
Do Your Work! What changes would you like to see in your life and what have you done to welcome them? Begin journaling about what you truly desire and the change required to experience it. As a bonus to my ESSENCE family, I am gifting my “THRIVE! Ideas Journaling Teleseminar.” Register for FREE here.
Affirm out loud with me, “I am not afraid to live the life I want!”
Recently named the “North America’s Next Greatest Speaker” by eWomenNetwork, Felicia T. Scott is a Certified Empowerment Coach™ who empowers her clients to turn their Worth into Wealth as she partners with them to DISCOVER their WORTH, DO the WORK and DEFINE their WEALTH. Get more insight, download the FREE “8 Choices Winners Must Make” seminar MP3 on her website.