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Ask Dr. Sherry: Am I His Secret Lover?

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Dr Sherry Profile Two

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dear Dr. Sherry,
I have been dating this man from my church for the past year now. I'm in love with him, and he tells me all the time that he loves me too. The issue that I'm having is the fact that I feel like I'm a secret. I know some of his family members because we go to the same church, but they don't know about us. Is this something that I should be worried about?

Signed,
Mrs. Secret


Mrs. Secret,

You feel like you are a secret because you are a secret. If you have been dating this man for the past year and he has family members attending the same church with you that do not know about you, you are definitely a secret. The question becomes, why? Have you asked him why he has not disclosed your relationship? Better yet, why have you not disclosed the relationship?

Most people that are in love and committed to a relationship talk about it because they are proud of it. You say that you are in love with him and he tells you he loves you too. Well, there is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with them. You are in love and he loves you. Have you considered that he may only have the Godly agape love for you? Do not get it twisted. Having the agape love does not mean that he will not be "kicking" it with you. You may only be a sidepiece or fill-in until he finds the one he can be in love with and not ashamed to acknowledge in public. For whatever reason, you have settled for the background role in his life. You must have an honest conversation with him and confront him about your concerns. But trust me, given that it has been a year, I think that he is just not that in to you. Should you be worried? No! You should be smart and put two and two together. Trust your instincts. Something is seriously wrong here. Obviously you are not happy with the way things are. It is up to you to change them. -- Dr. Sherry

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