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Ask Dr. Sherry: He Called Me 'The One,' Should I Believe Him?

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Dr Sherry Profile Two

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Q: “I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year now and I haven't met his family. He reassures me that I am ‘The One’, and says he wants to be with me, but sometimes that's hard for me to believe. I know I need to talk to him about my feelings, but I don't want to force him to do anything that's not in his heart. What should I do?” – Anonymous

A: “If it’s hard for you to believe that you are “the one,” then something is definitely wrong. You must learn to follow your feelings and look at all the telltale signs. One tell tale sign is the fact that you hesitate to talk to him about your feelings in fear of forcing him to do something “that’s not in his heart.” If you are actually the one, you would not be forcing him to do anything, and you should be his heart.

A long distance relationship is difficult to have under the best of circumstances. The fact that you have not met his family is not necessarily a deal breaker. However, it may be somewhat unusual if he considers you to be the one. My question is: You are “the one” for what?  As women, sometimes we assume that we are “the one that he hopes to marry and live happily ever after with. You may or may not be that person. But if you are, he is definitely not showing you at this point. Remember it’s not what a person says; it’s what they do. I would ask him if there is a reason you have not met his family.

I also have to wonder if you have met any of his close friends or anyone that knows him. It may be quite easy for him to have a long distance relationship with you that is not demanding and does not require a great deal of effort. This may be one reason that you have not met or interacted with any of his people. Of course, there may be many other reasons. Regardless of what his reasons may be, you may need to redefine the relationship in order to get your needs met. I would suggest that you have an honest heart-to-heart conversation with him to let him know your expectations as well as your hopes and dreams. Once you have this conversation, you should quickly be able to determine if you are actually “the one” or not. That determination should be made based on what he does afterward as opposed to what he says during the conversation. — Dr. Sherry

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