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Real Talk: Your Relationship Business is None of Ours

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Lately it seems that lots of people are eager to spill the tea on their exes. Most recently, Bow Wow popped up on New York’s popular radio morning show “The Breakfast Club” to dime out the ladies he’d “smashed.” On his completely immature and disrespectful list were ex-girlfriend Ciara, Kim Kardashian, and Karrine “Superhead” Steffans. He denied having relations with reality star and ex-girlfriend Angela Simmons, who has spoken openly about remaining a virgin.
 
Just a few days before the Bow Wow incident, comedienne and late-night talk show host Chelsea Handler dished to Howard Stern on her relationship with 50 Cent — a pairing I’d dismissed as a complete Hollywood rumor (turns out it was true). So what went wrong? According to Handler, she stopped speaking to Fiddy over the “8th grade” behavior he displayed in trying to prove to her that his ex Ciara (who at the time was booked as a guest on “Chelsea Lately”) was still in love with him.
 
So far the celebs thrown under the bus by their exes have yet to respond. But in a New Jersey case where a man’s ex blasted him on the website LiarsCheatersRUs.com, claiming he was unfaithful and had major financial issues, the man fought back: In a lawsuit, attorney Matthew Couloute Jr. claims all the badmouthing prevented him from getting a home loan and drove potential business clients away.
 
I’m torn on whether taking this battle to court is a good idea. Of course, when your name is sullied you want to defend it on principle, especially when it affects your personal work. But then I hear that Jay-Z wisdom in my ear, that line passed down from a generation of grandmothers: “You don’t argue with fools. People from a distance can’t tell who is who.”
 
And what about the folks doing the badmouthing? Yes, I am a proponent of free speech – exes have the right to say whatever they want — but I can’t think of any occasion, short of testifying against an ex for a form of abuse, where it is appropriate.
 
Relationships take two people to maintain, and if something goes awry, both parties usually share a bit of the blame in the downfall (the exception, again, is in a case of abuse). Dissing your ex is not only tacky, but it also usually reveals your bitterness over the ending. I find that when people recount their tales of woe to others who have no stake in the relationship, they tend to paint the ex as “the bad guy” and omit or smooth over their own shortcomings.
 
Frankly, these stories are often biased. As juicy as they may be to hear, they’re often not the whole truth and nothing but. I’m not getting the full story -- so frankly, as much as you may want to tell it, I’d rather not hear it.  
 
Do you speak negatively about your exes?
 
 
Demetria L. Lucas is the author of “A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life” (Atria) in stores now. Follow her on Twitter @abelleinbk
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