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His latest album, his fifth, is titled “Love and War,” and on it he explores the aftermath of love and the beauty of making up with your partner. He credits Paula as his muse, so we caught up with the crooner to find out how their marriage shaped the new album, what works for them, and how they keep things so steamy between them. (Have you seen the “Love after War” video?)
ESSENCE.com: Being that your music defines romance, how does it feel to know that people are getting married and making babies to your music all the time?
ROBIN THICKE: To be a part of your biggest days -- you know your child being conceived or born, or you walking down the aisle -- there’s really nothing sweeter. That’s the truth.
It’s actually the best thing. It’s nice if you can make someone drop it like it’s hot, or pop a bottle. But we’re always dropping it and popping it. What I realize about the difference between me and my peers -- you know, Chris Brown and Drizzy Drake and all my musical peers -- is that they haven’t been with the same woman for 18 years and I’ve been with a Black woman for 18 years. I’ve never dated a White woman. Don’t want to. I’ve never been on a date with a White woman. When you have that relationship and that means the most to you -- you know I can’t live without that woman, she is my muse, my best friend, and my creative partner. I didn’t have a great relationship with my mom and she didn’t have a great relationship with her dad and we became that for each other. She’s my mama and I’m her daddy. I even call her mama and she calls me daddy. We are that to each other.
ESSENCE: If someone saw you whispering in Paula’s ear, what would you probably be saying?
THICKE: I can’t wait to get you home and love you up for two to three hours. I like to try to get her into double-digit orgasms as much as possible. It doesn’t happen all the time, but when I’ve got my mojo and my swag, it happens. Every few months it’s just like bam -- repeated. Repeated! I like her to just be going crazy in the bedroom.
ESSENCE: What is Paula’s sexiest quality?
THICKE: It’s her intelligence and her strength. I’ve never met a stronger person who stands by their will and their moral values. She is such an amazing human being. Ever since I met her and we were 16 years old and she was the president of the Black student union and I was just a silly White boy who didn’t understand or have compassion.
I had no animosity, but I just didn’t understand the Black experience in America and how different it is -- and most White people can’t. You can’t understand it until you are with somebody every day and you have a child that you know is Black, you then understand that, wow, what a different experience Black people and in particular Black women have to go through.
I have a song on my new album called, “I Don’t Know How It Feels to Be You,” and she and I were in the middle of an argument and she said, “Robin, no matter how hard you try, or how compassionate you are, you’ll never know what it’s like to be a Black woman.” So I got up and I wrote this song in five minutes. The lyrics are: “I don’t know how it feels to be you, though I try my best to understand what you’re going through, I don’t know how it feels to be you. I can’t walk in your shoes. But, I’m trying baby. You know how much I love you.”
ESSENCE: Do you ever feel misunderstood?
THICKE: A lot of mainstream magazines, like SPIN and Rolling Stone, they still don’t get me. They can’t figure out how a funny guy with a dad on a sitcom can have a 90 percent Black female audience. It’s never happened before. I didn’t plan it that way. I just love the music and I love my wife and she is a strong Black woman, so if my wife doesn’t like it, how can the other Black women like it? If my wife approves of the song, I’m doing it.
ESSENCE: The media often tells Black women that they’re better off dating White guys. What’s your response to that?
THICKE: I think that’s ridiculous. There are so many good Black men out there that are hardworking, decent, and handsome, you know? To start that rumor is as bad as starting any other negative rumor. There are great Black men out there. There are only a few good White men -- trust me. (Laughs) Good luck finding a good White man who understands your journey. I only have three White friends. I’ve got 20 Black male friends, who are all good men who take good care of their wives, and good care of their children. I know amazing Black men. Maybe the women have to take better care of their men. Maybe you’re being too stubborn. Maybe you’re not saying you’re sorry. You have to take good care of him, too. You have to give love to get love.
I don't care to know anything about what anybody does in their bedroom. So, it kind of squigged me out a little to read what he whispers in his wife ear. I also hate it when married couples call each other "mommy" and "daddy," unless they are talking to their kids. *shudders*
Yet and still, what he said about putting the onus on the woman to give love in order to receive it is very truthful. We have to be the type of people that we would want to date/marry. If I wouldn't date me, why would I expect someone else to? I respect his opinion because he's a man that has been in a loving relationship for eighteen years.
I would love to marry a black man because I want to marry a man like my father and my grandfathers. They weren't perfect, but they were good people that I liked as much as I loved. On the other hand, my father wasn't the type of man he w****imply because of the color of his skin. He had a great personality, sense of humor and work ethic. He was also a good dad and very intelligent. So, if I can find those qualities in a man of a different race, why would I p*** him up to marry a man just because his skin is brown like mine? That doesn't make any sense to me. Nevertheless, I do agree that there are very good black men out there who don't get any credit or recognition.
Posted 35 days ago by AmyAll I have to say is Paula is a very lucky
Posted 43 days ago by Ayowoman!
Hello to all!
Ladies, young ladies, older ladies, calm down just a bit. Now I am a male. And as I read through these comments, it pulls me closer and makes me more p***ionate about helping women in general, but more specifically, African American women solve some of their problems.
First ladies, you have to put down that guard. You must tuck away the " I'm a strong Black Woman " instinct. If no one understands you, I know I do. I was raised by a woman who looks a lot like you. I watch her from knee high on up. I watched her sit on the edge of her bed balling in tears. I got an early understanding of what she felt, having to work two jobs to support me and my siblings. So believe me when I say, I understand you.
After reading Robin's comments, and then reading some of the responses to them, shows just how bad off some women are. If you take offense to him saying " I know amazing Black men. Maybe the women have to take better care of their men. Maybe you’re being too stubborn. Maybe you’re not saying you’re sorry. You have to take good care of him, too. You have to give love to get love ", then that says a lot about yourself. And I say this because I am separated now. I've been married for 9 years. And something I realized since we've separated was this. I didn't receive love from my wife. My wife never admitted wrong doing for anything. My wife would tell you herself, she is very stubborn. And a conception both men and women tend to construe is; Him " All I do is work and pay all the bills, all you have to do is take care of these kids and sleep all day if you want. " Her; " I cook and clean and take care of these kids all day, don't act like I don't do for you." And that's a huge problem.
What I've learned is this. We are individuals i.e. single,separate beings.... What we do as a family, is more like teamwork. As a individual, we have our personal desires, aspirations, wants, and needs. For one to believe because he/she contributes to the team, that they are " A good Man " or " A good Woman " are mistaken.
You have to ask yourself, and I know most of us do. How can this great couple, who love each other so much, make the decision to bring it all to an end? The answer is simple, but very few care enough to figure out why. It's time to take a look in the mirror. I know I did. And when I say look in the mirror, I mean, don't even mention your partners name. Ever. Leave your partner totally out of the equation.
Robin's comments were simple, and straight forward. And it is the least admittance you will ever hear from most women. And leads me to wonder. Is this the little bug thats causing a major issue in most relationships? Now before you ladies beat me up, I'm not saying this is the only issue. But I believe its one of the major ones mainly because its one of those things that can easily go undetected. If someone can't be honest with themselves and say " Maybe I didn't show him enough love. Maybe I w****elfish by not saying I w****orry at times. Maybe I didn't take good care of him " , without saying " Hell nah! That bastard cheated on me, called me out of my name, and lied! I know it's not me, it's him! " under the same breath, then you have to wonder. And what I've noticed with my sisters, female ***ociates, cousins and mostly my wife, is this is how the conversation goes.
I want ladies who are reading this( and guys) to try something. I have this saying " Keep it 100% with yourself ". And what I've learned is if you're honestly able to do this, you will see things you've never noticed about "You". You may understand, why he cheated, or why the name calling, or why the lies. It will give you a clear view of your situation. No one is perfect. It takes two to make things go right and sometimes one apple to spoil all.
Lastly, I will like to see the day we stop looking at ethnicities. I wanna see us do away with the " racist " mentalities. For one to be racist, or make racist comments, you're doing nothing but revealing the dislikes of yourself, mainly because there is only one race. And for the mere fact one ethnicity can conceive a child with another, you must be careful. Because you may be speaking to your unborn niece, nephew, cousin, sister, brother, or grandchild. We have a huge shadow in our society, especially amongst African Americans and Caucasians. We have to kill that shadow. Rebuke it in the interest of Man. By not doing so, we will continue to live in a historicized mentality once hated, and never have the chance to see what it feels like to be one. One love ,
Posted 49 days ago by J CummingsJerry ***mings,
jerry@boogieboyfilms.com
http://www.boogieboyfilms.com/The-Boogie-Boy-Blog-Cafe.html
And WHO CARES if there are many good black men.
Posted 55 days ago by BarbaraDating white men or ANY other race of men should have NOTHING to do with lack of goodblack men.
Its about preference.
I dont know when people are going to realize that Essence is slowly becoming against black women with all these stupid "stay in your place...alone" articles. Black women need to wake up and realize what the media is doing.
I am going to say this again.
Hollywood is OBSESSED with asking racialized questions but ONLY when it comes to black women.
So,why arent we asking the right questions?
Such as: How can one man speak for "most" men?
Why is Hollywood only discussing race when it comes to black women?
Why would a man married to a black woman and being a white man say such strange words about most white men not understanding you when color and stereotypes are some of the topics he is strongly against?
Has anyone noticed this ultra-focus on black women and who we are or should be dating? Why are people always telling black women what to do and why is it only black women that people are worried about?
Why do we keep feeding into these topics-we SHOULD be asking why is ANY of this even relevant to his music?
I dont remember the last time Kevin James or Maury were asked about speaking for all whitemen who date/marry Asian women.
Posted 55 days ago by BarbaraSo, we need to start asking the RIGHT questions and stop feeding into this anti-bw disguised as concerned, media.
I agree with what he said and I am a Black Woman. More men of all races should pay attention to what he said about their sex life LOL
Posted 57 days ago by Felicia
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some of his statements were a little too personal but right on Robin for not being afraid to express how much you love your wife. he seems very intense which may have something to do with his talent. at the end of the day everyone has a right to love whoever they want without judgement from the rest of the world.
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you know these days there is self hatred, not because people are dating outside their race, but the fact that they put down other people of their own race, while they glorify another opposite them,, Yes I am talking about rappers specifically, only casting redbone,or latinas and white girls in their videos while disregarding average/dark skined females or even dissing them. I personally date white or hispanic guys not because of their race, but they are the ones who seem to appreciate my beauty( my brown skin, african american texture, my body) something the black men I have met or observed(some rappers) fail to do
Posted 71 days ago by laineI think he was saying they've been together for 18 years, not married for 18 years. As much as we appreciate his candor, he's a bit too graphic about he and his wife's sex life. I also appreciate his truthfulness of trying to understand our experience, but he might have stepped on some toes telling Black women they need to take better care of their man & NO it's not because of his color. Women just don't want to hear that....maybe that's the problem. Thank you for knowing your son is Black because his mother is even though he doesn't look it right now.
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Blacks, today, are just too negative. Maybe they 've always been that way, and I'm just now noticing it. We come down on other black because of the color of their skin, we come down on whites (and always feel justified in doing so). Black men diss black women and black women diss black men, constantly. Any black woman who says she 's never known a good black man HAS to have something wrong with her. Yes, this is coming from a black woman. It's like saying I never met an intelligent black person. If you feel that way, there's something wrong with you. Robin Thicke was asked a question and gave a very positive, true statement. And wouldn't you know, someone had to find something wrong, not only with what he said, but the fact that he said it. There are some articles that incite, but there was nothing wrong with what Mr. Thicke said. Sometimes we just need to step out of our emotional baggage and take a objective look at our geberal comments. We often come off as a negative, miserable people.
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