According to my mother, I have always been opinionated, outspoken and ready and willing to stand up for myself. She said when I was three years old we were on an elevator when a stranger got on and bumped into me without apology. I politely tapped the person and said, "Excuse you!" Ha! That is classic. PAUSE ~ I sometimes wish I could spend a few days with the young PSM. I would love to have a conversation with little me and understand what was going on in her head back then. I also wish that there was a way for me hang out with the teenaged PSM. I'd rid her of some of those internal pressures and concerns she kept hidden deep inside. I'd tell her that what seems unbearable today will be just a memory tomorrow. I'd encourage her to take her time and continue to be true to herself. I'd also let her know her daddy will never change; stop craving that attention from him and focus on you. Sigh... let's get back my original thought. I'm not in the mood to talk "Daddy issues" today! PLAY ~
As I grew up, my attitude and commitment to speaking my mind increased. Trust me, everyone didn't want to hear what I had to say and I did not always say things, oh shall I say, with tact. I was a growing girl and I had a lot to learn. With age and experience I've learned the importance of being impeccable with your word. I do my best. PAUSE ~ keep in mind my best varies from day to day! PLAY ~ to say what I mean and be mindful of others when I speak. One thing’s for sure... Good or bad, if I say something and you come to me and ask if I said it, I will always admit what I said. If I was out of line or wrong, I will admit that, but I will not deny something I've said.
I was recently accused of talking badly about an associate; one I actually admire. When I first learned of the tall tale that I had been "talkin' about him like a dog," I was completely taken aback. Why the hell would a stranger lie on me? What had I said that could have been mistaken for slander? I was hurt, angry and annoyed. I mean, I felt like this was defamation of character. First of all, it wasn't true, second, it seemed that the thought of this unwarranted attack on him had hurt him and while I did not say anything negative about him, the thought of me being the cause of this unexpected disappointment upset me. Third, I can only assume that next he would spread the word that I was a @itch who went around chatting about people behind their backs.
PAUSE ~ I know we all like to say that we don't care what people think of us and that may hold some validity, but when what is being said is about our character is not true, I believe most will care. I am very proud of the woman I am becoming; the character I have developed over the years. The thought of someone speaking out of turn about who I am as a woman, pisses me off. Period. PLAY ~ I couldn't help but wonder if I should have done a public service announcement advising everyone who would listen, "Please be advised, what you have heard or will hear regarding this particular issue is not true. By no means did I speak with ill intent or malice about XX behind their back!"
And just as I was feeling sad and victim-like it dawned on me: I am my own Public Service Announcement. I have been for 30-plus years. A good friend of mine once told me, "Your life is your best ministry." I couldn't agree more. I have never been one to run from the truth or say anything behind someone's back that I would not say to their face. I am a stand-up woman. I meet new people all day, every day. I'm no angel, but there are certain things that just do not fall within the scope of my character. And anyone who knows me, knows this. So, I let go... just like that. No need for me to attempt to do unnecessary damage control. I am who I am and if you don't know me by now, well… you better ask somebody.
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