Plus Size Model in the City: I Can't Breathe...

Relationships seem to start off with such clarity. We communicate, we understand, we make promises and we give the other person glimpses of our whole character...

Relationships seem to start off with such clarity. We communicate, we understand, we make promises and we give the other person glimpses of our whole character (which is in hiding). The "real" you is in hiding for a various reasons. Sometimes the real you will not show up until real life starts happening. PAUSE ~ Real life! You know what that is... when the REAL stuff hits the fan. I'm not saying that the good times are not REAL. It's just that our true character seems to rear its head when things get rough. PLAY ~ So, you meet someone and life is easy breezy and the two of you are easy breezy and then something traumatic happens and your bond is tested.

Don't test me... I will call your bluff every time. I've told you before, I bend; I do not break. If I am committed, I am committed and sometimes it is to a fault. Everyone's commitment ain't the same. Pressure... sometimes it busts pipes and sometimes it makes diamonds. Unfortunately, I have been with far too many men who resemble pipes. When the weight of their world gets heavy, or when their ship cannot take any more cargo, they buckle. And sometimes, the relationship we are developing and I are thrown overboard in an attempt to lighten their load. Sigh... it's foul.

Why do I attract men who appear so strong and steady, but are really only sturdy when dealing with one, maybe two major issues? Give him too much and his ability to multitask goes out the window. I am not solely interested in who you are when the waters are calm and we set out for smooth sailing. Who are you when the storm comes? How do you manage? How do you deal with all that life offers and ME?

I am lost without communication. I cannot tell you how important it is to me... in my relationships, in my life! Being in a relationship without communication is like being in a room with no air; I can't breathe.

He knows it. The disconnect is evident. He called. "I know how important communication is to you and I have not been there for you like I should be. I don't want to lose you and..."

Ahhhhhhh!!!! PAUSE ~ That would be me yelling in my head. PLAY ~ Here we go again. What's a girl to do? I have to take care of myself. What that means at this time... I don't know yet.

Trying to catch my breath...

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RELATED: Plus Size Model in the City: She's Not Me...

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