Hey you! I don't even know where to begin. So many episodes and emotions have emerged in the last few weeks and I have kept many of them to myself. Some of the emotions I've not even shared with my closest friends or therapist. Unfortunately, when you have abandonment issues the deeper you fall into a relationship the more you worry about what may or may not happen. PAUSE ~ Well that isn't really ONLY for us bruised little girls who have grown into scarred women with Daddy issues. Anyone who has had their heart broken has experienced some level of fear when developing a new relationship. PLAY ~ But all of my feelings have not been about Cullen and our progress. Many of the emotions have revolved around my own self reflection and who I am as a woman. I've said it before and I will continue to say it, I am dedicated to being the BEST me. This takes work and I am a work in progress. I am often frustrated when good intensions and valid points are lost in translation. Sometimes I do or say things and what I was attempting to convey is completely lost in translation. If you are like me and you take responsibility for your ability to communicate well, you will stop and contemplate where you went wrong. "What didn't I say? What did I say? Why would they think I meant that when I meant this?" You ask yourself all of these questions and then YOU attempt answer them. Why? How? What gives you the right to answer questions that can really only be answered by the person with whom you are communicating? And so I am back at The Four Agreements. PAUSE ~ Did you get the book yet? Other than my own book, this is probably the only book that I will promote so hard. I just believe in it and what it has taught me. PLAY ~ The author suggests that we don't make assumptions... "Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama."
So... what does this all mean? Well for me, I've found a power in effective listening. Sometimes we want to get our point across so immediately that we don't allow the other party to finish what they are saying. Note that sometimes allowing them to finish gives you more information and you may change your position or the point you are attempting to make/clarify. I've also learned that being still can make the biggest wave and silence can make the loudest noise. PAUSE ~ Read that again! PLAY~ Be easy. Take your time and don't rush to dance on every tune. Chill out. Give the sand a minute to settle to the bottom of the ocean so you can see clearly. Breathe; it saves lives. Ha! You feel me? PAUSE... for real. And in this moment of stillness, assess the situation and reevaluate what is really going on with you. Stop and recognize that sometimes the best reaction is NO reaction. After all...When all is said and done, there is nothing left to say or do. Be still on that...
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