Five Tips for Getting Back Into the Dating Game
Time to Start Dating Again?
Getting back into the dating scene after a divorce or the end of any long-term relationship can be tough. But we all want to find someone that's right for us to love and to love us and well, this is the way we do it. If you think you're ready to get back into the dating game, here are a few tips to help you out.
Don't mention your ex
This is not new advice. It may seem hard to resist the urge to bash your ex, but bite your tongue. Usually, once you start talking about your ex, he can dominate the topic of discussion for quite sometime, which may give the guy you're out with the impression that you're not over him. Gentle suggestion -- if you feel the need to talk smack about your past relationship, you're probably not over it. You may need a little more time to heal before you get back out there.If your date asks you about your last relationship, keep your answer short and sweet. We recommend practicing what to say, so you don't end up rambling about how he never ever called when he knew he was going to be late or how your mama never liked him.
OK, we got our panties in a bunch over the way the whole world is becoming computerized too. But then we got over it and we got online. If you want to expand your reach and meet different types of men from all over join an online dating site. If you hate it, you can always cancel your membership. "Online dating will help you figure out what you actually want, what you like and what you don't like, and what your type is and what it should be," EflirtExpert.com's Laurie Davis explains. "It also puts you in control, which is another big thing, particularly for women."
Get out of your comfort zone
You're not into any of the guys you meet. Stop going to the same old places where you meet the same old guys. Dating Diva, and author of "Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating," JJ Smith suggests going out by yourself and mingling alone to meet men. There's no doubt that if you're used to going out with a gang of your girls, this will make you uncomfortable, but "you will be much more approachable to men if you are by yourself," Smith says. Smith also suggests going to the places where the men you want to meet would be.If you like blue-collar guys, head to Home Depot. If you're into stockbrokers, hit up your city's financial district for happy hour.
Learn how to say, 'No.'
As we grew up, women were taught how to be sweet, charming ladies who always look and behave their best. No one taught us how to say, "No, thank you." In her book "Back on Top: Fearless Dating After Divorce," Ginger Emas provides her short and sweet technique for turning a guy down. "I typically start off by saying, 'Thank you so much for the date tonight. But I really don't think we're a match. I wish you the best in your search.'" While it may seem easier to tell a guy, "I'll call you later," and never call or just avoid his text messages for weeks until he gets the picture, this straight forward approach is much better for your peace of mind.
If you're a serial monogamist this guideline is for you. You know that ethereal feeling you get every time you commit to a new relationship. The one that feels like you're walking on air. You're not in love, at least not every time. You're afraid of being alone. We know because we've been there. Now that you've cut things off with your last long-term love, don't rush into another serious relationship. Enjoy just dating and flying solo for a while. The strength you'll gain from being on your own is priceless.