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Commentary: How To Date When You Have Kids

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Stop introducing dudes to your children as their new potential father. Why does it always have to be, "Lil Stevie, this is Mommy's friiieeeennnd. We are only friiieeeennnds. He is a really nice guy, I think you will like him. But if you don't, it's okay, no pressure. Now I am going to go and fix you two something to eat. You guys play nice, okay?" Don't wait until you have fallen in love with a guy to introduce him to your kid. Don't introduce your kid to a guy one-on-one at your house at night over a candlelight dinner. Don't introduce your kid to a guy at a theme park where the first thing out of his mouth is, "Hey Stevie, how are you? I got tickets already for you, your mom and me. Would you like some popcorn or cotton candy or pickled pigsfeet?" Your kid will be like, "Say dude, my momma got my ticket!" Both women and men alike are taking this dating with kids thing way too seriously.  You're thinking on it so hard that  you are messing it up. Print this out, pour yourself a tall glass of that blue lemonade Kool-Aid and get the cap off the highlighter. From now on and forever more, your kid meets the potential husband way before he is the potential husband. Your child meets him when you deem that the dude is cool. The guy does not have to babysit your kid the first time you meet him. You don't even need to know the dude's fatherhood skills... yet. Once you decide that the man is cool, you can introduce the kid to him at the barbeque, at the church-house, or at the game. While introducing your children to your new guy, you should also be introducing other people to them. This is how it should sound the first time you are introducing a guy to your kid: "This is Tonya and Lil Troy and Dude and Shalonda." The next time your kid meets Dude it's at a party at your house. There are 30 people in your house, five to 10 of which you have to introduce to your son. So re-introducing your son to Dude is not a big deal. Dude comes to the door, your son answers the door, it's not a big deal. Dude becomes a friend of the family. Not just your friend, but your kid's friend too. Then one day, out of nowhere, your kid says, "Mom, I like Dude, he is cool." Now, you can reintroduce dude as momma's good friend. This method that I am teaching you is already done every day. I have met countless children of my homegirls and when I have met them, it has never been a big deal.  When a brother is harmless and you are not trying to get it popping with him, your kid and you can meet your homeboy any time. You say, "This is my friend Steven, he's crazy, don't pay him no mind. " I say "What up homeboy? Hi-five." It's all good to meet the kid when you are just friends. My wife and I took my son to see "Thomas The Train" the other day and ran into my co-worker. I introduced my son to my co-worker.  We exchanged pleasantries and kept it moving. Why can't the first time your son meets the guy that you are dating be just like that? An exchange of pleasantries. Don't make the first, second or even the third introduction be too serious. Steven James Dixon is the author of the sure fire conversation starter "Men Don't Heal, We Ho," a book about the emotional instability in men. He lives with his wife and son in Dallas, Texas. His book is available at relationshipbeast.com. Read More:
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