Monday, February 15, 2010 | 7:34 PM
Men Say 'You Should Hit On Us'
During our most recent live chat on ESSENCE.com about How to Find Mr. Right, we couldn't help but notice a lot of women asking if and how they should step to the guys that they're into. You've been taught that a man should always approach you, and that if a man doesn't approach you, it's because he's not interested. But guys are saying, when it comes to dating, those old rules just don't apply anymore. So, If you've been eyeing that guy from the human resources department at your after-work happy hour mixer, we suggest you holler at him. We talked to nine guys who all said they wouldn't mind being propositioned. They told us why it's nice to be the ones getting hit on for a change and gave some pointers on the perfect approach. Webber Charles, 32, Miami, FL "I think, in my experience, I like it when women approach me. It means that they're assertive and that they know what they want. I tend to like women who are assertive and a little unconventional. The fact that a woman would come up to me shows that she's unconventional." A.J. Warco, 26, New York, NY "I think most women are just used to the approach being the man's role. I don't think that has to be the case. Just coming up and saying 'hello' is really effective. It breaks from tradition and shows right away that the girl is not old-fashioned. A woman shouldn't be afraid of approaching a guy, because a man might not see her at first." Gary James, 33, Jamaica "When I was younger, I think I had hang-ups about women approaching me, but I think it's great now if women do it. It means that they're choosing who they want as opposed to just being approached by a bunch of guys. They're more in control of who they decide. It just seems to work out better that way. "The best way to approach a guy is just with regular conversation. If you're by a bar, just say, 'oh yeah I really like that drink too.' Have a conversation that doesn't circle around the attraction or sex." Chad Balkum, 23, New Jersey "I would say I don't mind if a woman approaches me, depending on the circumstance. If I'm in a club or a lounge and a girl approaches, it would be more of a sexual thing in my mind. Where as, if I'm at a friend's house and someone approaches and we can have a conversation, I have no problem with a female wanting to take that initiative. If I'm walking down the street and I notice a girl and she just comes up and says 'how are you doing and starts regular conversation, I would like that." Blair Milbourne, 32, Brooklyn, NY "I definitely appreciate when a woman steps out of her comfort zone and approaches me. I think it's pretty refreshing because society has placed these constructs on how men and women should behave, especially in the art of dating. I think now more than maybe 20, 30 or 40 years ago, I see a lot more women establishing themselves and becoming more autonomous is various ways. I feel like in dating the playing field is leveling out. But I still think that women carry some preconceived ideas with them. "I think the best way to approach a guy would be to display or showcase your sense of humor. Be a little bit witty. But the attempt is really the most respected thing out of it all, because you really just took a shot like we do. At the end of it all, it is flattering. Men and women should realize that we like the same things. We all want someone to engage us, to appreciate us and to love us." Devin Barrett, 31, Newark, New Jersey "I would prefer if a woman approached me. If she gets touchy feely, that would make me uncomfortable, but if she's just speaking and there's nothing forward about it, I would like it. "In my mind, girls are used to getting hit on and propositioned all day. If I hit on a girl, how am I distinguishing myself from any other guy? I know that the odds are that I'm not the first guy during the day to approach her. "My advice for a girl that's interested in speaking to a guy is to just speak to him because if he's a good guy and he has the same psychology that I have, he might not step to her. He would be a lot more impressed if she took the initiative and did it. Girls don't have to do much. Just start talking about something." Demetrious Noble, 34, Raleigh, North Carolina "In my mind it seems like it would be easier to approach us than it would be for us to approach women. I think if a girl was to walk up to a guy, he is more likely to engage her, even if he is initially not attracted to her. "I don't think you necessarily need a line. I think that you can walk up and just say 'hey.' But I do think it's cute if a girl uses a line because you never really see that, it's always the other way around. You just need something to focus on to get the conversation going. I met a girl on the train and she saw me and asked about the book I was reading and then she asked 'well, what is it about?' The next thing you know, we're talking all the way to our stop." Dahren Grady, 34, Brooklyn, NY "I wouldn't have a problem with it. It could go either way. I wouldn't necessarily be intimidated if a girl approached me. I guess I would feel a little flattered. "I don't think she should have a line. She should just be natural. She can just say, 'hey how are you doing.'" Jason, Wilcher 31, Hollywood, FL "I think, based on my experiences, the woman approaching me worked out better than me approaching her. It gives you a sense that they have a high level of confidence. "I think the best way to approach a guy is to do it in his territory. If a woman is comfortable enough to approach a guy anywhere, especially in a situation where the guy is in his element--that just exudes confidence for me. "I was approached by a girl recently and she turned out to be pretty cool. She works at a restaurant near my apartment and I always order food there. When you order food from a place, they keep your phone number in their system. She called me, but I had previously changed my number. So I recently went in there to have lunch and as soon as I walked in, she was like, 'Hey, where've you been? I was calling you." She said she had my number in the computer. I didn't really get scared or anything. I thought it was kind of creative and different. We've actually been hanging out and kicking it." If you've been giving that guy on your morning commute the stare for the past two weeks and he hasn't blinked your way, stop the passive aggressive routine and walk up to him and ask if he wants to grab a coffee before the daily grind. Even if nothing happens, at least you've made a man feel good. Have you stepped to a guy recently. Tell us how it turned out? Read More:
Filed Under: Dating